Whispers in the Dark
by Emagen Laile
Summary: S/OC When Merry Steel goes off-world on a routine mission, she nevers expects to be captured by barbarians alongside John Sheppard. She returns home and begins to question whether her feelings might play a bigger role than she thought in saving their live
1. Chapter 1

Whispers in the Dark **Whispers in the Dark **

**Chapter One**

**Just a Little Clumsy**

Doctor Mercedes Steel walked down the narrow hallway to her quarters with her head buried in the computer in front of her. She sipped her mug of sweet tea, a taste she had acquired from the Athosians, and paused to juggle the mug and tap the screen. A new screen of information popped up, and she sighed in frustration. Another tap spilled a few drops on the screen and she gasped, trying to wipe it off with her sleeve and spilling more on the floor. She juggled the computer, trying not to drop it, and only succeeded in losing her grip on the mug.

It took forever for the cup to drop, a moment in which she struggled not to slip on the small puddle and still maintain her death grip on the computer. She heard the ceramic mug shatter and felt herself slipping. She gave up on the computer- it could survive another fall- and began to flail her arms, reaching for anything to stabilize herself.

A man's strong arm reached out and grabbed her wrist. She still twisted and fell on her knees, causing shooting pains to fly up her back, but she didn't fall completely. She let out a little whimper of pain and the hand released her.

"Are you okay?" The voice was vaguely familiar, but she was trying to stop tears. Merry began to pick up her shattered mug. It had been one of her favorites.

The voice seemed to come slightly closer. "Leave it. Are you okay?" It had become more insistent. Merry nodded, wiping her eyes on the back of her arm.

"Yeah. 'M Fine. Just a bit clumsy."

"At least let me help you up." He held out a hand. She looked up into the face of Atlantis' military commander, Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. She blinked, then laughed.

"Of course, on the worst day of my life, it would be you." She took his hand and stumbled to her feet, shaking slightly as she slid, yet again, on the spilled tea.

He looked at her, confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"

She ran her hands down her front, wiping any of the tea off of her pant legs. "Nothing. Just…I'm just having a bad day."

He reached down and picked up her computer. "I'm Colonel Sheppard. You can call me John." He held out the computer, which she took, gingerly tapping on the screen to make sure it was still intact.

She stared at the computer, distracted. "Yes, I know. I'm Doctor Steel, from the astronomy department."

He smirked, though she only caught it out of the corner of her eye. "So, that's what your friends call you? Doctor Steel?"

She gave him a distracted smile. "I don't have many friends. But they mostly call me Merry."

He raised a brow. "That short for anything?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Mercedes."

He grinned. "Damn."

She frowned. "Why?"

He shrugged. "I just know a…a person…on the base named Meredith."

She just nodded and gave him a vague smile. "That's nice." She looked back down at her screen. "Thank you, John." She began to walk away.

He fell into step beside her. Both of them ignored the mess on the floor. She glanced up at him through her eyelashes; she only just made it to his shoulders, and that was with her hair in a high ponytail.

"Was there something you wanted?"

He grinned. "Yeah. I heard that you were coming with us on our next mission. I make it my job to get to know all the people that are coming off-world with me."

She gave him a tiny smile. "That's…interesting. The mission is tomorrow. Obviously, you're a last-minute kind of person."

He grinned disarmingly. "Obviously."

She looked back at her screen and frowned. "Well, I'm a tad bit busy. Can't you go bother one of the other scientists for an hour or so until I finish my report? It's due later today and I'm desperately behind. Aren't there others going to P4R-318? I can't be the only one."

He put a hand on her computer, blocking her view. "Certainly the prettiest. But I can see that you're busy. How 'bout lunch, later. Mess hall?"

She looked into his earnest eyes. Today, they were hazel. She had heard from one of the nurses yesterday that they were green, and one of the Athosian women had sworn they were blue. But she hadn't asked about him, of course; people talked. She sighed. "Fine. Yes. But I won't be pleasant company."

He grinned again, waving his hand. "Don't make promises you can't keep!"

He started back down the way they had come. She turned the corner to the narrow hallway that had the door to her quarters when she heard the squeal of boots on stone and a skid followed by a thud. Over it all was John's voice. "Geez, McKay. You've got to be one of the clumsiest people I've ever met. Or were you just happy to see me?"

She smiled and stepped into her room. In the swish of the door opening, she missed what was probably a classic acidic McKay reply.

She was just biting into her bacon sandwich when another tray shoved its way onto the narrow table and nearly knocked her lunch into her lap. She smiled sweetly and shoved her tray back into its place. John looked surprised for a moment before he too began to push back. They stayed like that for a while before a group of her colleagues, Doctors Tanner, Bridgestone, Gregor, and Amiko waved at her. She managed to wave her sandwich in their direction, but in the process lost what she was already calling the tray war.

John raised his arms victoriously. "I thought we were going to have lunch, Doctor Steel." She could hear the playfulness in his tone, and thought momentarily of flipping his tray into his lap.

"You never said we were going to have it together, _Colonel Sheppard_."

He raised his finger and his brow, a lecturing look on his face, before he paused. "That's entirely true, Doctor Steel. May I assume, then, that you don't look for any of the more subtle… overtures?"

Merry held back the urge to blush. "You may, John. In fact, I was nearly finished, so if you don't mind…"

She stood and picked up her tray. He grabbed her wrist, the same one he had grabbed before.

"I do, in fact. I just wanted to talk to you."

She heaved a heavy sigh and looked around. Though not usually crowded at this time of day, the mess was still busy, and quite a few people there were staring at them, a few with wide eyes and busy mouths. It wasn't everyday that the military commander of Atlantis had lunch with a woman other than Teyla- at least, not a woman from Atlantis.

She flopped back into her seat, the half-eaten bacon sandwich ignored for the moment and the blue Jell-O wriggling forlornly in its glass. "What do you want to know? You could have looked up anything you wanted in my personnel file."

He shrugged. "Coulda, shoulda. I wouldn't have gotten to know your sparkling personality if I had merely read a piece of paper, now would I?"

She gave him a look, and he sighed. "Okay, so Ronon and Teyla are sparring and Rodney's locked himself in his lab with some Ancient device and Zelenka. I don't even want to _think _about what they're doing."

Merry giggled, and his eyes lit up. "See, your file doesn't say that you have a sense of humor. _That's_ something I would have missed."

She shrugged. "Just cause I look at stars all the time doesn't mean I don't appreciate the odd bit of earthy humor."

He raised an eyebrow. "I believe you just called me unsophisticated." He picked up a carrot and pointed to her. "This means war."

She grabbed another carrot off of his plate. At his incredulous grunt, she grinned. "No honor among thieves!"

They sat at the table for another hour before he chanced a look at his watch and realized that he was late for a meeting with Major Lorne. He had waved cheerily to her, and it wasn't until after he had left that she realized that his tray was still on the table, and that they'd left a bit of a mess with the carrots.

Merry woke a bit late; her alarm, though set correctly, had fallen on the floor, and was hidden under the pile of dirty laundry from yesterday. She dug it out and checked the time, then swore loudly. She had just over an hour to get showered and dressed, pack her gear, and get to the gateroom. So, predictably- at least for her- she panicked.

John Sheppard stood in the gateroom with the rest of his team, as well as three other scientists- Doctors Ang, Reed, and Grayling- tapping his foot and looking up at Colonel Carter with an unreadable expression. They were all in full snow gear; the Stargate they were going to was on a moon in the middle of an ice age. Rodney hadn't shut up about it since they had found out.

Ronon looked around the gateroom impatiently. "Where are they?"

John shrugged. "Late, I guess." He looked up at the Colonel. "You want me to radio them, Colonel?"

She shook her head. "No. Doctor Keller just radioed from the infirmary. Ames has food poisoning, so he's out for a couple of days. Doctor Steel is on her way."

Rodney snorted. "Merry Steel? _She's_ the other person?"

Teyla raised her eyebrow. "Do you have a problem with Doctor Steel?"

John looked at him, a little half-smile on his face. "Yeah, Rodney, do you have a problem?"

McKay frowned. "She's a bit…how does one put this delicately? She's clumsy."

John smirked. "Really?"

Ronon gave him a feral grin. "That's almost a compliment from you, McKay."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "And how long did it take you to come up with that, Conan?"

John grinned. "Best behavior, boys."

Rodney opened his mouth for what was probably a scathing retort just as Merry came barreling into the gateroom, dragging her pack behind her. She was out of breath and panting, and her short auburn curls, the ones not shoved into a ponytail, clung damply to her forehead.

She skidded to a stop next to the team and dropped her pack. She took and deep breath, sighed, then turned to John. "Sorry, Colonel, my alarm didn't wake me." She took a quick look around. "At least I'm not last."

She noticed the tight look on his face and turned to Teyla. "I'm not last, am I? I thought Doctor Ames was coming with."

Teyla nodded and opened her mouth, but Rodney beat her to it. "Yes, well, things change, don't they? For example, I wanted to go to a tropical beach planet, but someone said no."

His remaining tirade was interrupted as the gate engaged.

John gladly took the opportunity and hefted his pack. "Everyone ready? Let's move out."

In the rustle of leaving, they didn't hear Colonel Carter's parting words.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two **Chapter Two**

**Ice Planet**

The first thing Merry noticed when they stepped through the gate was the snow. It seemed to go on for miles, gentle rolling waves of whiteness that changed with every gust of wind.

The second was the light.

The sun, hazy through the clouds overhead, was still bright enough to blind. Sighing, John pulled out sunglasses and motioned for the others to do the same.

"Well, Rodney, at least you'll get a nice tan."

McKay scowled under his hood. "Not quite what I had in mind, Colonel, but I suppose you do the best you can."

John raised a brow. "Let's go this way. McKay, anything on the lifesigns detector?"

Rodney shook his head. "Not a blip. Why are we here anyway?"

Teyla started making her way forward, a long stick in her hands. "The database said that there was an observatory on this planet, and that the indigenous people had been wiped out long ago."

Ronon snorted. "So, why are we here?"

John smirked; Merry could tell by the change in his voice. "Scientific exploration, Ronon. What else?" At the man's raised brow, he continued. "And one of Teyla's contacts said there's been some recent activity here."

They began to walk in the direction John had pointed, making their way carefully behind Ronon and Teyla, who both held long sticks and periodically poked the ground in front of them. Merry watched them for a while before realizing that she was becoming hypnotized by the snow.

John fell back to walk next to her. They didn't speak, but every so often, when she tripped, he was there to steady her. She felt flattered, until Rodney threw him a dirty look and gave her a patronizing smirk. She just kept walking, trying to ignore the occasional touch from the handsome colonel, but it was difficult. Every time he touched her, she blushed.

She felt like an idiot; the last time she had reacted this way to a boy was in college, her freshman year. His name had been Robbie Corey, and he had been the captain of every sport, the head of all his classes, and the freshman class president. Every simple touch, on purpose or otherwise, had caused her heart to beat faster and her cheeks to blush.

She slipped and nearly fell into Teyla as they stopped to check the direction to the observatory. John caught her and hauled her to her feet. She laughed nervously and apologized to Teyla.

"I am so sorry. I seem to be a bit clumsy lately."

Rodney nearly snorted, but John smacked his arm, almost discretely, to shut him up. He smiled at her.

"That's alright, Merry. Don't worry about it. I'm sure you just slipped on some ice."

Rodney really did snort this time. "Right."

John gave him a look. "How far are we from the observatory, McKay?"

Rodney glanced down at the scanner and frowned. "Uh, about a half mile…that way."

He pointed slightly to the side of the direction they were walking. John grinned and they began to move in that direction.

They could see the base of the ruined tower that had once housed the observatory. Rodney snorted and pointed it out, as if John couldn't have seen it for himself. "Didn't I tell you this was a waste of time?"

Ronon looked at Rodney and made no attempt to hide his smirk. "I don't think you ever stopped, McKay."

Rodney waved a hand at the larger man but ignored him.

"From the looks of it, this place was destroyed long ago." Teyla had taken the time to stop the other scientists and draw them forward. "I see no sign of any recent activity. Ronon, do you?"

Ronon shook his head. "No, but there's been a lot of snow recently. It could have covered the tracks."

John pulled his team away from the other scientists. "I don't like this."

Teyla nodded. "I agree. I sense a trap here. We should get everyone back through the gate."

Ronon shrugged. "I don't think anyone's here."

Rodney nodded. "I kind of have to agree with the big guy. If anyone were here, I'd pick it up."

John frowned. "Hibernating Wraith?"

Rodney's eyes widened. "Oh. Right. Well, maybe we should just leave. You know, just in case."

Teyla smiled, but John nodded seriously. "Of course, McKay. But we're only doing this to protect the other scientists. This is totally for their sake."

Rodney nodded importantly before walking back to the other group that stood just a few feet away. John took the opportunity to turn to Teyla and Ronon and make a face. Had he not done that, the arrow that thudded into the snow next to him might have lodged itself into his head.

He shouted and ordered Rodney to get the other scientists moving. He, Teyla, and Ronon turned to the direction that the arrow had come from and began to lay down cover fire, peppering the area with bullets. John glanced back at the scientists now running towards the gate, nearly a mile away. Merry was somewhere in the middle, and Rodney ran behind them, periodically checking for his team.

John and Teyla moved behind them, with Ronon blasting everything in sight. They couldn't even see their enemy, hidden as they were beneath piles of snow and rock. The arrows came from everywhere; they were always accompanied by the staccato twang of a bowstring, so at least they had that little bit of warning.

They battled their way back to the gate with minor injuries- Doctor Reed had stumbled and twisted her ankle, and Rodney had a long cut on his face where he had been grazed by an arrow. Doctor Grayling, terrified but still the first to the gate, had dialed Atlantis and sent his personal IDC. He fumbled with his radio, but Carter's voice rang out before he ever came close to hitting the button.

"What's happening out there?"

Rodney stumbled and nearly took down Doctor Reed. "We're under attack! Lower the shield!" His voice cracked a little on the last word, and it took forever for Carter's anxious voice to crackle through the radio.

"The shield is down, McKay! Come on through! We have medical and security personnel waiting for you."

Rodney shoved Doctor Reed through the wormhole. "On our way!" He clicked the radio again. "Sheppard! Gate's open!"

John turned to Ronon and Teyla. "Make sure everyone gets through! I'll cover your six. Move!"

Rodney and Merry stood at the event horizon, watching Teyla and Ronon run full out to the gate, Sheppard mere steps behind them. Arrows littered the path they cleared with their heavy boots, and Merry squinted as the sun reflected a sudden brilliant light against the snow.

McKay shouted and stumbled through the gate. Merry had opened her mouth in shock when she felt a sudden, stabbing pain in her gut. She bit back a scream as a heavy object brushed past her, knocking her away from the shimmering pool of the wormhole. She slipped on a bit of ice and fell again, slamming her head on the DHD.

The blessed darkness of unconsciousness feel over her like a blanket, and she knew no more.

John watched as Teyla and Ronon jumped through the event horizon, each letting loose a final blast from their guns at the approaching enemy. He could make out several hundred blurry shapes, most running quickly across the snow and firing arrows. A few were on low sleds pulled by something dog-like.

He growled in frustration as his foot slid, yet again, on another patch of ice. He was only a few feet from the gate when he heard a groan coming from beside the DHD. He took a second to look, and skidded to a halt. It was Merry; the pretty scientist was nearly unconscious, with a large, dark arrow protruding grotesquely from her stomach.

John scowled at the approaching enemy and raced to her side, slipping several times and once even falling on his hands and knees. He slid next to her, checking for a pulse quickly before putting his arm under her shoulder and lifting her bodily. She nearly screamed, and he took it as a good sign; at least she could still feel the pain.

They were within a few steps of the gate when it shut down. John's eyes widened. His mumbled "Shit!" was whisked away by a sudden gust of wind. He lowered Merry gently to the ground and rushed back to the DHD.

His hand, shaking slightly, pushed the first symbol in and reached for the second. It took a few seconds before he realized that he was surrounded, dark arrows pointed at his face.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three Chapter Three

**Absolute Darkness**

John's hand, shaking slightly, pushed the first symbol in and reached for the second. It took a few seconds before he realized that he was surrounded, dark arrows pointed at his face.

He could have fought his way through, maybe even without getting shot, but one thing stopped him. A few of the bulky men that had made up the approaching enemy were huddled around Merry, prodding her gently with heavily mittened fingers and mumbling in some unknown language. He couldn't just leave her here, so he put his arms up in surrender.

Merry woke slowly, but she didn't know it at first. The room she was in was pitch black; she wasn't even sure it was a room. Groaning and holding her side, she crawled her way slowly in one direction, hoping to hit a wall. She made it to something solid much quicker than she would have expected. Using the wall as a balance, she lifted herself slowly into a nearly standing position, her arm clutched around her painful middle.

The wall, or whatever it was, was made of large rough blocks of heavy stone. Trailing her fingers in what she hoped was a straight line, she shuffled along the wall, trying to determine how large the room was. She made it to a corner rather quickly; she felt her way along that wall, counting her steps as she went. This wall was the same as the other- featureless and made of heavy stone.

It took eight steps to get to the next corner; she couldn't be sure, though, because her steps were small and rather hesitant. Turning again, she paced off the next wall; eight steps again. The next wall was the same, but not made of blocks; it seemed to be carved out of a cliff. The last wall, the one she had started on, was the same as the other two, but with a big difference. There was a heavy wooden door, solid and rough, nearly two paces wide in that wall.

Merry had a picture of her cell in her mind; small, cramped, and carved out of a mountainside, with only one way out. She leaned against the wall, hoping to hear something outside that might give her a clue as to where she was.

She half-fell, half-sank into a crouch next to the door, leaning heavily on it and pressing her ear on the thin crack; there wasn't even a space at the bottom for light to seep through. She tried to block out her fear and pain and concentrated on the sounds outside the door. There weren't many.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there, but it must have been a while; she had fallen into a doze before she heard heavy footsteps in what might have been a long hallway. Pressing her ear closer to the door, she began to make out three distinct sets of footsteps; one set was heavier and must have taken longer strides, and the other had quick, staccato steps; the third made an odd, shuffling sound. They were dragging something between them; the sound of whatever it was never left the ground.

They drew closer to her door, and she thought for a second of escape. She tried to drag herself upwards into a standing position, pulling painfully on her side; before she had stood fully, there was the dull scrape of a key in a lock.

She nearly screamed when the door to her cell opened. She fell out into the corridor; it was as black as the cell had been. Even if she had wanted to, she couldn't escape; she had fallen heavily on her injured side, and the impact had caused spots to appear on the back of her eyelids. She lay there, panting, trying to regain her breath, when one of what she assumed were the guards pulled her to her feet and shoved her back in the cell. There were two heavy clinks, like metal on stone, and then they dragged whatever-it-was into her tiny cell.

Before she could speak, they had the door locked again.

Merry waited while the footsteps faded down the long corridor before moving to whatever they had dragged in. She felt along the ground with one hand, holding her side with the other; she thought she might have opened her wound again. It wasn't long before she felt something hard and ridged; trailing her fingers upward, she realized that it was a boot, attached to a leg, and that that leg was attached to a person.

Merry let her hand make its way upward to the face of whoever her new cellmate was. The face was long and thin, with short stubble and longer, unruly hair. There was a wet spot near the crown of the man's head; she was sure it was a man, because of the beard and…other things.

She jumped when the person groaned. Sliding backwards and breathing heavily, she backed into the wall and pressed herself into the corner. The person groaned again. She heard the movement of clothing, and tried to choke back a gasp of fear.

"Who's there?" The voice, loud after her long silence and slightly rough, spoke harshly; she thought she could detect a hint of fear. She also thought that she recognized the voice.

"I know someone's in here with me." She heard him groan, and then the heavy sound of someone half-falling against a wall. "Come on; I don't bite."

She smiled a quick little smile. "Even if you did, you couldn't find me to do it, now could you?"

The voice sounded amused. "I could probably find you by your breathing, you know. You're not very quiet."

Merry nearly laughed. "I'm clumsy, too. And you would be loud if you'd been shot with an arrow, too."

There was a long pause. "What's your name?"

Merry frowned. "Why?"

"Cause I think…'m Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. Who're you?"

Merry gasped. "John? It's…it's Merry, Merry Steel. Doctor, I mean." She tried to hold back the absurd question, but her brain wasn't functioning properly. "Do you always stress the whole Lieutenant Colonel thing?"

She heard him sigh, and they didn't speak again; they just waited while the darkness closed in even further.

It felt like hours before she couldn't stand it anymore.

"John?"

She thought she heard him jump. "Yeah?"

"Are you…are you okay?"

He gave a strained laugh. "You're the one who got shot, right?"

Merry giggled at the absurdity of the question. "Does that mean that you're alright?"

There was another pregnant pause. "I'm fine."

Merry snorted. "Right. I've heard that before. How bad is it?"

She thought she could hear the frown in his voice. "How bad is what?"

She began to feel her way along the wall, hoping he wasn't too far away; she wasn't sure how much movement her side could take. "Your head wound, for starters. Anything else they may have done. I don't know; pick one."

John sighed. "How'd you know about the head?"

She inched her way closer; he was on the other side of the cell. "I felt it when the brought you in here. There aren't any lights, so I had to find out what they put in this cozy little place."

He didn't answer for a long time. She had nearly made it to him- she could feel the slight rise in temperature from his body heat- before he spoke. "The head thing is probably a concussion. I have some bruises all over, and I think I may have broken a few ribs."

Merry stopped. "How'd you do that?"

She moved closer when he didn't respond. She felt along the ground for his hand. "How'd you break your ribs, John?"

He heaved another sigh and flinched when she touched him. "I was protecting you."

It seemed to take days before they heard the footsteps again. She wasn't by the door, so they were nearly upon the cell before either she or John had heard them. There were only two sets this time; there were key sounds, then the rush of air that signaled that the door was opening.

John tried to push Merry behind him, but he wasn't fast enough. The two men- she had to assume they were men, because she couldn't see them- pulled John to his feet, eliciting a harsh cry from the colonel. Merry felt them pull John away, and heard the door close.

She was alone again.

They always brought him back unconscious.

Merry didn't think they were being very fair to her. There she was, stuck in a too-small cell with only a bucket to do her business in and injuries that hurt more with each breath, and they took her only distraction away every few hours to be tortured. The least they could do was make sure he was awake when he came back.

It always took a few minutes for him to wake. When he did, he would crawl back to the wall, and she would curl up next to him and try not to aggravate the injuries they had caused this time.

He hadn't objected the first time she had curled around him. She had been cold, and he had seemed to appreciate the extra body warmth.

The next time, they had broken his fingers. She hadn't known at the time, and had accidentally sat on them. She had never before heard a scream that put the hairs up on the back of her neck, but that had done it. Since then, he was the one who made room for her; after the scream, she hadn't wanted to touch him again.

They sat shivering in the darkness, one on each wall, until he couldn't stand it anymore.

"Come here."

His voice, sudden and harsh, nearly echoed in the cell.

Her whimpered "No!" seemed pathetic in comparison.

"I'm cold. Come here." This time, his voice was firmer and brooked no argument.

So she had. After that, it was unspoken; they lay together in the darkness, gaining heat and comfort in the cold, dark cell.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

**Whispers in the Dark**

Merry didn't know how long they had been in that dark cell, but it had to have been days. They had taken John away more often than she cared to think about, and he always returned more bruised than when he had left. She began to worry about him; it took longer and longer for him to wake up, and he was often disoriented. Once, he had called her "Mom".

This last time had been the worst. He had lain there for what felt like hours, only to wake suddenly, surprising her. He obviously hadn't remembered she was there; he had nearly screamed when she placed her hand gently on his arm. Of course, it could have been the new cut there; it was the entire length of his forearm, and bled sluggishly. And it hadn't been the arm where they had broken his fingers, either. She had to be extremely careful about how she curled up next to him now.

They hadn't spoken in a long time. She had almost forgotten what his voice sounded like.

She jumped when he finally spoke, hours after he had been returned. His voice was gravelly and pain-filled, and it seemed to take too much effort to speak.

"Hey, Merry."

Her own voice was a shock. It shook a little and was higher than she remembered. "Yes?"

He pulled her closer; she could feel him wince. "How're you doing?"

She stared up at where his face must be. "I…I'm fine, John."

"They haven't…they haven't done anything to you, have they?"

She shook her head, then realized he couldn't see it. "No." She waited for a second, then reached up with one hand to touch his face. She managed with just the tips of her fingers before he pulled it away. His voice was shaky.

"Don't."

She pulled him closer to him, wishing she could at least offer more comfort than her touch. "What about you? What have they done to you?"

He tried to pull away, but she wouldn't let go. His hand on her hip, where he held her, shook a little. "Nothing…"

She felt the first twinges of anger. "Don't lie to me, John. You're…you're…they're torturing you…John, you can't tell me they're not. I just…I know it. Please don't lie to me."

She felt more than heard him take a shuddering breath. "It's bad, Merry. I…I don't really know how bad, but if how I feel is any…it's bad."

Merry tried not to picture everything it could be. She knew about the arm, and the fingers, and the head wounds, and she knew he might have broken a few ribs, and there might be something wrong with his leg. She just couldn't tell.

"I'm so sorry, John. If I hadn't…"

"No." His voice was harsh with pain and conviction. "No. We don't leave people behind."

They had fallen asleep like that, as they always did. She tried to ignore the gasps and wheezes of his breath and focused instead on the steady beat of his heart. She heard him blow a piece of hair out of his mouth, but she must have fallen asleep soon after.

It was so difficult to tell, now. She had always enjoyed being in the dark at night. She had always preferred cave-like bedrooms, but this was just too much. She would kill for a look at the city again; she hadn't realized how often she looked out of her window at the stars at night.

She wasn't sure when smell had become unimportant to her. Always, she had kept herself clean; she had always liked the feeling she had right after a long, hot shower. For the first few days of their capture, she had wasted some of the water they were given in a vain attempt to wash her face, but ever since John's fingers had been broken, it hadn't mattered as much, and he didn't seem to mind. At least, he never said anything.

The clothing they had given her before throwing her in the cell was thick with sweat and dirt, but none of it mattered next to what they had done to John. The bandages they had wrapped around her middle were sodden with sweat and blood; her wound broke often now, and seeped almost constantly, but it hurt less and less each day. She couldn't tell if it was because the pain was less or if she was just becoming more tolerant. She had never really liked pain before, but it was a constant companion now, and she liked it even less. She couldn't begin to imagine what John was going through.

No matter what he said, it was still her fault they had been captured.

This time, when their captors came, they were both grabbed. She nearly shrieked when the hands came out of nowhere and pulled her to her feet, and she stumbled along the dark hallway. She could hear John being dragged behind her, his feet taking the occasional step.

They walked until they came to an intersection and turned right, walking only a short distance before they were shoved through a door.

Merry stumbled into the room, blinking against the harsh light. There was a single kerosene lamp burning on a rough table; it looked very old, and the glass chimney was black with soot, letting very little light out. It was, however, enough to hurt her eyes badly after days without any light at all.

She was thrown into a corner; there was a sizable puddle of blood there already. It was dry, a dark rusty brown that was splashed against the walls and floor. She stared at a spot of it, trying to figure out whose blood it was and what the shape reminded her of.

She was jerked out of her reverie by the sound of another body hitting the floor. She looked up, her eyes hooded against the light. John was sprawled on the ground. Her first thought on seeing him was of blood.

He was covered in it. Dried strings of blood made gory designs across his face, and his nose was swollen to twice its normal size. One eye was completely swollen shut; the other was a mere slit against the light. His fingers on one hand were swollen grotesquely, obviously broken, and the long slice on his arm was red and looked infected.

She turned away from him, trying to stop herself from taking in any more details. There were three men in thick furs already in the room, and four guards, the ones who had brought them, stood against the wall at attention. Merry watched the man in the center, a large bald man wearing black fur, make a motion towards one of the guards. The man picked John up and stood him against the wall; she heard him grunt as the large man slammed his head, hard.

She took a step towards him, but one of the three men in fur moved in front of her and twisted her arm behind her back. She nearly shrieked when it pulled on her stomach wound, but other than panting heavily, said nothing.

The man in black fur, who was obviously the leader, walked slowly up to her. He had the walk of a predator, and with the fur, looked like a large dog. His eyes, what she could make of them under heavy steel gray brows, were black and glittered in the light. She was surprised when the man on the other side of him spoke.

The man was tall, wearing thick red furs, and had a head of straw blond hair. He had a child-like face, which made his voice all the more surprising. It was, quite possibly, the deepest voice she had ever heard, like rocks rolling down a mountainside.

"You. Who you?" He pointed straight at Merry, and his eyes locked onto hers. It would have been comical if he hadn't been deadly serious. She hid an insane smirk and frowned. John was groaning; apparently, they hadn't waited for him to answer. The man in brown fur was hitting him repeatedly, with something of a rhythm.

He was mumbling something. The man in red fur asked the question again, a quizzical look on his face. In a lull between punches, she heard finally heard his broken words.

"Don't…say…anything…nothing…"

His next words were blocked by another hit, this one making him silent.

Merry lunged towards him, but was restrained by one of the guards. The man in brown fur was standing over John with a satisfied look, and said something to the man in black in a musical language that was quite at odds with their fearsome clothing and manner. Black Fur nodded, and Red Fur turned to her, a grim look on his face.

"You tell me name." His voice was harsh; there was a frightening look on Brown Fur's face. When she shook her head, he grinned a death's grin. She didn't even notice that she whimpered.

Red Fur frowned. "Tell name." He pointed at John. "Tell name."

Merry shook her head. When Brown Fur pulled out a knife, she pulled in one sobbing breath. Red Fur walked over to her, motioning to the guards to pull her arms behind her back. "Tell name and he lives. Tell his name, and he goes."

She frowned, fear clouding any questions in her head. "If I tell you his name, he can go?"

Red Fur reached out one finger- she noticed that it had been dyed, like the rest of his hand, a bright blue- and ran it down the side of her face. "Tell his name and your name, and he go. Tell more, both go."

Merry took one look at John, his sprawled form prone on the floor. He wasn't moving. "His name…His name…" She thought back on all of the old movies she loved to watch; mobsters never let you go if they had all the information. But if she could get John released…

"His name is Frodo." She didn't look away from him. "Mine is Sam."

She nearly giggled every time they called her Sam. The men had believed her, and dragged John back to their cell. She had nearly spit on Red Fur when he told her where they were bringing John, but she wasn't all that surprised.

Brown Fur had handed his knife to Red Fur, to the man's distaste, and he and Black Fur, along with all of the guards, had left, shutting the large, rough door behind them. Red Fur had his back to her, so she couldn't see his face.

When he finally turned, what felt like hours later, he had a blank mask that was at odds with the behavior she had seen in him before. He held the knife in his hand, twirling it between his fingers but carefully not touching the blade.

"Sam, tell where from."

She nearly gave an insane giggle, but held her breath until the urge passed. "Frodo and I just came from Mount Doom, where we dropped the Ring of Power into a molten pool of lava and destroyed it. Actually, Golum bit Frodo and then fell into the lava, but you get the general idea. We were on our way back when you attacked us. The eagles were supposed to pick us up, but I guess they forgot." She let her eyes fall, trying to suppress hysterical giggles. "It came at the end of years of travel to destroy Sauron's power. Sauron was a big, Wraith-like bad guy."

Red Fur was staring at her. The mask had slipped, and an incredulous look was on his face. "What eagles?"

Merry looked up at him with earnest eyes and began to gesture wildly. "Eagles? Big, big birds." She glanced at her hands, hiding what felt like an evil smirk. "You know, I've often wondered something. If the eagles were going to fly over Mordor and pick us up anyway, why didn't they just fly us over the mountain and drop us off? It would have taken far less time, you know."

Red Fur still looked confused. "Why destroy ring?"

Merry couldn't help herself. She smirked. "So the bad guy wouldn't get it, of course. Why else?" She paused thoughtfully, pulled herself to her feet, and began to pace. It seemed Red Fur was honoring their deal. She stopped mid-stride and turned to the man; at least, where he had been. For such a large man- he towered over her by at least a full head- he moved silently and quite quickly.

"Red Fur?"

She turned at a noise behind her. The knife, golden in the lamplight, flashed as it made its way to her stomach.

She heard a ripping noise as the knife sliced through her bandages, stabbing its way into the arrow wound.

Her eyes wide, she looked at the sympathetic face of Red Fur.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**Poison**

Her eyes wide, she looked at the sympathetic face of Red Fur.

He had blue eyes. They were mostly hidden under thick blond eyebrows, but they were still a very pretty blue.

She slid off the end of the knife and collapsed on the floor, taking shallow, ragged breaths.

Red Fur wiped the blade of the knife on his pant leg. The leather soaked up the blood, but he didn't seem to care. He slid the knife into his belt, his blue hands splattered with flecks of her blood.

"When on surface, eagles come, bring you home. You come back, seven days, tell us everything. You get not-poison." He mumbled something in his own language. "Poison make you sick in seven days. You die in ten. You understand?"

She nodded, feeling the wave of hysteria that had been held back come to the front. She looked up into the face of Red Fur. "What about…what about Frodo?"

Red Fur looked into her eyes, sympathy dominating his features. "He stay home. We not want Frodo. Beshia want you."

Merry frowned; she had no idea what Beshia was, but she was sure she didn't want to. "How do the eagles find us?"

Red Fur pointed up. "Eagles fly over cave many days. Men come. You found soon." He sighed, a rumble that echoed in the small room. "Sorry."

Merry was dragged through the dark corridor. She thought they were walking back to her cell, but her mind was hazy with blood loss. She didn't even notice Red Fur walking beside her.

It took far less time to get back to the cell when she wasn't fighting the guards every step of the way. They paused just long enough for the cell door to open- she heard the heavy creak of the hinges- and the guards to get John. He must have been unconscious; she could hear his feet dragging.

They kept walking along the same corridor, but only a short way. They paused, and she heard more of the musical language; she could hear at least three distinct voices, one of them Red Fur's. Another set of creaking hinges, and they were led into a dimly lit guardhouse.

It was like something out of a medieval castle. There were two rough tables with benches, heavy manacles dangling on one wall, and a few sets of blankets and bedding rolled up in one corner. The door behind her was heavy wood; the one ahead was plated with heavy black metal. The whole room looked carved out of the rock; two lamps, high overhead, cast very little light over the room, and flickered from the draft she could feel around her ankles.

She glanced behind her and saw John, semi-conscious, between two of the largest men she had ever seen. Red Fur put his hand on her back, and she nearly fell; would have, if the metal door hadn't been there. She put a hand on it and steadied herself, surprised at how cold the metal was. Another guard shoved her to one side and opened the door. A blast of cold air blew through, sweeping right through the thin clothing they had been given.

The two guards dragged John into the snow and dropped him before turning back inside. Red Fur pulled her outside as well, whispering hurriedly to one of the guards before turning to her.

"Seven days, Sam. You die ten."

And then he was gone, and the metal door was closed.

Merry didn't know how long she stood in the snow, staring at the inky black metal that was the door to the underground world of Red Fur and his men. Hearing John groan, she rushed to his side, holding her bleeding side.

"John? Are you alright?"

He mumbled something incoherent and swatted her hand away. She could see specks of blood on the snow from the motion.

"John, we need to get to the stargate. They let us go. John? Can you hear me?"

He was trying to sit up; that much she could tell. He mumbled something again. She leaned closer so that she could hear him.

"Shu' up, 'Kay."

She put her hands on her hips, wincing as it pulled her side. Dropping to the snow in front of him, she put her hands on either side of his face and pulled it up.

"John, its me. Merry."

He looked up at her with bloodshot eyes, squinting at the terrible whiteness of the outside world. "Merry?"

She smiled, relieved that he could at least hear her. "John, we have to get to the stargate. Can you get up?"

He nodded, wincing. "Help."

She put an arm under his shoulder, carefully avoiding his ribs. He still nearly screamed when he was on his feet, and she whimpered as he fell into her side.

Ignoring all pain, they began to walk into the snow-covered world, looking for the stargate.

It felt like hours had passed.

The light from the snow and the sun was actually making her sick; she had been so used to the darkness that any light would have hurt. The purity of the snow and the unending brilliance of the sun combined to make an unbearable landscape. She had tried to walk with her eyes closed, but holding John upright required that she guide their steps.

She chanced a look back, once. Their footprints were being erased by the never-ending wind, a wind that blew through their clothing as if it weren't even there and caused the snow to swirl in mini tornadoes, reshaping the landscape with every gust. She didn't even know if they were going in the right direction.

She heard the noise before he did. At least, she reacted before he did. It sounded like a jumper, but she had long since lost the hope of a rescue; if Atlantis knew where they were, they would have mounted a rescue attempt days before, if not hours after their capture.

She shrieked when, out of the swirling snow clouds, the side of the jumper appeared. If it hadn't been so cold, she would have cried.

She must have fallen asleep, because she didn't remember the jumper trip back to Atlantis at all. She woke on a gurney, just outside of the jumper bay. She saw Carter and McKay alongside another gurney ahead of her, along with several nurses and medics. Moving her head slightly, she could make out the vague forms of Ronon and Teyla, walking quickly behind the nurses at her head.

Her eyes rolled back in her head and she saw darkness again, but only for a short time. She woke again just as a light was being shone in her eyes, and she nearly shrieked from the pain. She tried to slap the light away, but something was holding her down. And then something- it felt like a knife- was poked into her side, and she screamed in pain, lost.

It was never-ending. There were colors, swirling together; they would have been soothing, normally, but bright, ghastly colors were mixed in, and they made the room dance. There was the sound of someone screaming in agony, but it was so far distant that she could easily ignore it.

The knife was quickly removed, and she could see that it hadn't really been a knife, but a finger; it had only touched the surface. She sucked in great sobbing breaths; at least the noise was gone. She could make out the too-quick movements of doctors and nurses, but the world slid into darkness again.

Merry didn't know how long she had been unconscious, but when she finally woke, it was with the feeling of having been asleep for too long. Her eyes felt dry, and she reached up with one hand to rub them, only to discover an IV attached to her wrist. Her other arm was bound tightly to her body; her entire abdomen was covered in bandages. She wore scrub bottoms, but her upper body was so covered in white bandages that it made a top unnecessary.

The lights, at least, were dimmer than they had been. She wasn't sure if that was because she had adjusted to the idea of there being light or if they had been dimmed purposely.

She felt…fuzzy. It was the only word that came to mind that didn't feel wrong, and yet it was totally ridiculous. She wasn't, and had never been, fuzzy in her life. Still, with the floating, semi-happy feelings and blurring of every edge in sight, it fit.

There was a nurse hovering over one of the other beds. She really didn't want to draw attention to herself, but she had no idea what was going on and wanted to know before she fell asleep. She could feel the exhaustion already.

When she tried to call for the nurse, all that came out was a near-silent croak. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Nurse?"

At least that time it was a word, not an unintelligible sound. The woman leaning over the other bed squeaked and spun around, a clipboard in her hands. Merry waved her hand, and the nurse gave her a tight smile. She held up a hand, motioned to Merry to wait, and finished writing on the board. She slid it onto the end of the bed and moved over to her; there was a large empty space between the two beds. She could only assume that the other person was John.

The nurse was about her age, with short, curly dark hair and a large smile. She even had freckles. "How can I help, Doctor Steel?"

Merry nearly snorted, and her voice was a hoarse whisper. "You can call me Merry, for one. I think I might get sick of you calling me Doctor Steel in a hurry. And you can tell me how long I've been here." As the nurse's smile faded slightly, she remembered her manners. "Please."

The nurse fixed the smile in place; Merry wondered, irrationally, if she could learn to look that sincerely pleasant without hurting herself in the process. "Merry, then. You've been on Atlantis for two days. You were brought from P4R-318 in a jumper."

Merry frowned. "Okay. How long were we there?"

The nurse looked a bit nervous. "I don't think I should be the one you talk to. Let me get Doctor Keller." She reached up and tapped her headset. "Doctor Keller? Doctor Steel is awake." She paused as the doctor answered. Smiling, she began to back away. "Doctor Keller will be here in just a moment to talk to you."

She moved back quickly to John's bed, where she picked up the clipboard with a nervous look in Merry's direction.

Merry sighed as Keller made her way across the infirmary. Keller was nice enough, but she was no Carson Beckett. Merry had had few opportunities to visit the infirmary while on Atlantis, but the change had still been noticeable.

The doctor's face changed subtly when she saw Merry sitting upright on her bed, an impatient look on her face. "Doctor Steel? How do you feel?"

Merry nearly snorted. "I'd be better if people would call me Merry. And other than a hole in my side, I feel fine. Mostly."

Keller nodded. "You were brought in with a stab wound to the lower right side of your abdomen. According to the surgeon who worked on you, there was an arrowhead lodged in the wound, with signs of a mild infection and frostbite along the edges of the opening. There was also the beginning of frostbite on your extremities. You've been asleep now for two days."

Merry nodded. "Okay, well, I pretty much knew that. How long…how long were we on that planet?"

Keller glanced quickly at the other bed. "You were held for twelve days. According to what you told us when we found you, you were released on the thirteenth, and were wandering on the top of a glacier by one of the search and rescue teams."

Merry sighed. Thirteen days. It had felt like so much longer. "How's…how's John?"

This time, the look on Keller's face was quickly masked. "I'm really not at liberty to discuss that."

Merry wanted to scream in frustration. "We were locked in a cell together and tortured for days. Can you just tell me that he'll be all right?"

Keller didn't meet her eyes. "I can't do that."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six Chapter Six Still an Outsider

Keller hadn't wanted to release her, but the constant noise and stream of people had nearly driven her mad. She had agreed to check back with a doctor every few hours, but really, all she wanted to do was sleep in her own bed.

Four days had passed since their return to Atlantis. John hadn't been coherent when he had awoken late the night before. He looked better than he had on the planet, but not by much. Keller hadn't told her everything, but she knew that it had been severe.

Carter had talked to her yesterday, grilling her on what had happened. She hadn't been able to say much; she had also conveniently left out the part where Red Fur stabbed her with a poisoned knife. She hadn't told anyone. She had wanted to make sure John was alright. He was so much more important than she was.

Apparently, when his team had gotten back to Atlantis and discovered them missing, they had gathered a number of troops and rushed back through the gate, only to realize that John and Merry had been captured. Scans of the planet revealed that they were still there, but there had been no way to retrieve them. The _Daedalus_ had been on its way back to Earth; it had been recalled quickly, but they had been released mere days before it arrived. She couldn't help but feel a little bitter at that. If only…

But it was irrelevant now. She had three days before the poison began to kill her, if it hadn't started already. Three days to say goodbye to everyone. She had no intention of going back; she wasn't sure if she herself could take what they had done to John. She certainly didn't feel as strong as he was.

She hadn't made many friends here in Atlantis; if she was honest with herself, she had very few back home as well. It wasn't that she didn't like people; she just…she found herself staring at a picture of herself and her twin sister, Phillipa. She hadn't spoken to her sister in person in over ten years, not since before her sister's wedding. Pip probably wouldn't even miss her.

Thinking about her sister, she began cry.

Merry woke slumped over her desk, the pain in her side reminding her of why she had been there in the first place. The letter to Pip was attached to her cheek, a bit smudged in places but still the best she could do.

She could have made an electronic transmission; the next Earth dial-in was tomorrow. But she knew that people read the emails sent home, and she didn't want anyone to worry. Not that anyone would, really, but she didn't want to cause alarm. She looked at her clock; it was nearly 1800, time to go check in with Doctor Keller.

She walked slowly down the corridor, taking in the view from the many windows on the way to the transporter. No matter which window she looked from, the view of the city was spectacular. Tall spires, illuminated by the setting sun, began to glow from within as the city's internal lighting systems activated. It always took her breath away.

The transport to the infirmary was quick, and she was inside less than five minutes later. She was only a few minutes late, but she was sure Doctor Keller hadn't noticed. She found herself freezing in the doorway, emotion threatening to overcome her.

John was awake.

His entire team was there, and they were talking to him as though nothing had happened. McKay, a person she and- it was safe to say- most of Atlantis found rude and overbearing, was wearing a large smile and chatting a mile a minute. John was watching him with an amused expression on his face; every once in a while he would comment. Ronon was leaning against the nearest wall, a little smile on his face. It changed his whole appearance, and made him look years younger; he wasn't that old, but his attitude often added years that he didn't have. Teyla was on the foot of his bed, a large smile on her own face.

Standing in the doorway to the infirmary, she had never felt more alone in her life.

Keller had said she was fine, and she had left as quickly as she could. She didn't want John to see her; she wasn't sure she could keep the poison thing quiet, and she didn't want him to feel guilty. She hadn't wanted to notice his eyes on her, but she had.

She walked slowly down the hall to the transporter. She was tired, again, and she wanted to finish her letter to her sister before she went to sleep. She tried to ignore the nagging voice in her head that wanted her to run to his side, audience be damned, and hold on to him. The voice wanted her to tell him everything, tell Keller everything, and let them worry and try to fix it. It would be so easy to let them try to help her, but she couldn't.

Red Fur had told her to be back in seven days. She had six more days before the poison became fatal. That little voice told her that that was more than enough time for them to find the cure. She crushed the little voice. She didn't want to take attention from John; she was sure he was in more danger than she was.

She had made it to the transporter, but in her preoccupation hadn't heard the footsteps behind her until she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. She gasped and spun as fast as her middle would allow. Teyla had a concerned look on her face.

"Are you well, Merry?"

She and Teyla had had a few conversations over the three years she had been on Atlantis; she admired the woman greatly, and for a second contemplated telling her. But the words that she said were far from what she was thinking.

"I'm fine, Teyla. Why do you ask?"

Teyla frowned a little. "Colonel Sheppard wished to speak to you before you left, if that is all right." Something must have shown on her face, because Teyla held up her hands rather quickly, with an alarmed look on her face. "You do not have to, Merry. He merely wished to see if you were well."

Merry nodded. "I'm fine. Really. I just…I can't talk to him right now."

Teyla nodded sympathetically. "Of course. I shall tell him you are well." She turned to go back to the infirmary.

Something in Merry forced the words out before she realized that she was saying them. "Teyla?" When the other woman turned, the words seemed to spill out. "How is he?"

Teyla smiled. "Colonel Sheppard…John…is very well. Doctor Keller is confident that he is past the worst of it."

Merry gave her what she hoped was a happy smile. "I'm…I'm really glad. I'd better be going. Thanks, Teyla."

The other woman grinned. "Any time, Merry. I shall tell John to look forward to seeing you soon."

Merry spent the next day in her room, packing her things. She didn't want anyone to have to do it for her. She made sure to make her appointments in the infirmary; she didn't want anyone to come down to her quarters and see the boxes. She ate at the appropriate times in the mess, sitting by herself at a table in the corner. She brought a book with her, to make it look as if she were doing something; rarely did anyone disturb someone with a book in the mess.

She hadn't let herself be alone with John. The two times she had gone to the infirmary, she had tried to avoid him. It had been easy the first time; he had been asleep. The second time she had merely answered his questions quickly and left. She had sensed that he wanted to talk to her privately, but she wouldn't let that happen. She had to get through the next two days.

The few friends she had here in Atlantis had mostly left her alone. Leslie, a friend from her department, had stopped by the day she had been released. Merry had told Leslie that she really wanted to be alone, at least for a while, and, as she had suspected, Leslie let everyone else know. She was a terrible gossip.

The letter to her sister had taken far longer than she would have guessed. She explained as much as she could about Atlantis without revealing anything too specific, and had begged forgiveness for what had happened the last time they had seen each other. She didn't want to die without telling Pip why she had done what she did.

The letter was in an addressed envelope on her desk, and the boxes were all neatly packed. She hadn't had much in Atlantis; a few Athosian tapestries, candles, and pottery, a poster of a galaxy, as well as her rather small CD collection; it was mostly classical music. She had spent most of her time in Atlantis working.

Packing everything had brought something out in her. She admitted, once, out loud, that she was going to die. The tears had come unbidden, but what had really shaken her were her thoughts afterward.

She wasn't really leaving anything behind. She hadn't done anything but work on Atlantis for the past three years; very few off-world missions, and she had only been to the mainland a few times. She didn't even think her work was all that important. Someone else could easily replace her, once they'd emptied out her tiny office. She didn't dare go down there, for fear of one of the other department members seeing her and asking awkward questions.

For all that she was in another galaxy, she didn't mean much in the grand scheme of things, and that hurt more than the fact that she was going to die in five days.

Merry spent the day after backing up all of her work with notes, so that the person who came after her would understand everything she had been working on.

The next day, she had gone to all of her favorite spots in the city.

Watching the stars come out at the end of the south pier, with the moons mere slivers in the sky, she had contemplated simply jumping off the end into the water below. She had heard somewhere that drowning was very peaceful. She doubted she could swim very well with the stab wound; she couldn't swim well anyway.

It didn't take much to talk herself out of that plan. Dying slowly from poison was one thing; throwing oneself off a pier into the ocean was another story entirely.

She didn't know how long she sat there, watching the stars reflect off the surface of the ocean, but it had to have been longer than an hour. She had left her radio on; she was surprised when Doctor Keller's voice suddenly rang out in her ear.

"_Doctor Steel?" _

Merry jumped and tapped her headset. "Doctor Keller? How can I help you?"

"_You're late for your appointment, Doctor Steel. Could you come to the infirmary, please?"_

Merry blushed. "Of course. I must have lost track of time. I'll be right there."

It took nearly twenty minutes to get to the infirmary, and she was out of breath when she finally got there. Doctor Keller was talking to John, who looked half-asleep. She looked over and saw Merry, patted John carefully on the shoulder, and then walked over to her.

"Alright, Merry, let's check you over."

Merry sat patiently through all the tests, part of her wishing the poison would manifest so that she didn't have to hide it anymore and the other part hoping that she could get back to her room first. She didn't even know what the poison did.

Keller took her temperature and frowned. Merry began to worry when she did it again, and at Keller's sigh. "Looks like you've got a low fever."

Merry frowned. "What does that mean?"

Keller gave her an unreadable look, then smiled cheerfully. "It means that you're going to spend a little more time with me!"

Merry was tucked into the bed next to John's again. This time, they were much closer together; apparently, the beds had been spaced to give the medics enough space to work on the both of them at the same time.

She was in scrubs, at least, and her arm was still in its sling above her top. She lay there, contemplating the ceiling.

She jumped when she saw the time. It was just after midnight, Atlantis time; today, the poison would start. She wondered what it would be like.

She didn't notice at first when her hand started to shake. The one in the sling was fine. The tremors were small, starting in her fingers and slowly progressing to her hands. She finally noticed when the tremors moved up to her forearm and wrist, causing her whole hand to shake. She didn't say a word.

The tremors were moving quicker now. Soon, it was her whole arm. Then she felt it begin in her legs. Soon, the tremors had reached her chest. It was getting harder to breathe.

Even if she wanted to, she couldn't call out.

Her eyes rolled back in her head as the first full-body convulsion struck. She barely heard it when John began to yell for Keller.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

**Keeping Secrets**

Merry woke slowly. Her body felt as though it had been beaten with large sticks, and her eyes felt sticky, almost glued together.

It took a few minutes to get her bearings. For one terrifying second, she had been back in her cell, and they had taken John away while she slept. When she managed to get her eyes opened, she could tell immediately that she was in Atlantis; the ceilings were rather distinctive.

She lay there for a second, wondering what had happened. The last thing she remembered was sitting up in her bed in the infirmary, watching John.

She nearly shrieked when a nurse came into her line of sight. She hadn't even heard the woman's footsteps. It was the same nurse as before, with the short curly hair. She didn't really feel the woman's hand on her arm, checking her pulse. She did, however, hear her mumbling.

"Low-grade fever, pulse rapid, pupils slightly dilated…hmm…"

The nurse gave her a little smile. "How do you feel, Doctor St…Merry?"

Merry opened her mouth. The words were slightly garbled, and it felt like someone else was talking. "Fine. What happened?"

The nurse moved to her other side, checking the bandages. "You had a seizure. Doctor Keller wants to talk to you, if you're up for it?"

Merry nodded. She had a feeling that Keller had found the poison in her blood stream. At the very least, she would have questions.

The nurse finished whatever she was doing and went to get Keller. She sighed and glanced at the ceiling again, trying to calm her breathing. She heard a cough on one side of her. Glancing at the bed next to her, she nearly groaned. John was sitting up, looking as innocent as possible.

She rolled her eyes. "What do you want, John?"

He looked at her, innocence shining on his face but mischief in his eyes. "Nothing at all, Merry. Why?"

She turned on her side, wincing as it put pressure on her wounds. "Because you're getting a bit annoying, if you must know."

John put a hand over his heart, sighing dramatically. "Me? Annoying?"

Merry suppressed a grin. "Obviously. There I was, sleeping peacefully…"

John held up a hand and snorted. "I didn't say a word until the nurse left." He smiled. "Must have been dreaming about me."

Merry gasped and began to stutter. "No! I never…I mean, you…no!" Taking a deep breath, she calmed herself before turning back to him. "What's there to dream about?"

John had just opened his mouth, righteous indignation filling his face, when Doctor Keller came up to her bed, a large smile plastered insincerely on her features.

"How do you feel, Doctor Steel?"

Merry grinned right back. "Fine. And please, call me Merry. It appears that I'll be spending some time here."

Keller nodded. "Merry, then. Would you like me to have the nurses place a privacy curtain?"

Merry shook her head. "Not unless you're going to have me do something indecent."

Keller smiled and placed herself between John and Merry, effectively blocking him from view. "You had a seizure just over five hours ago. It was quite severe, with full-body convulsions that lasted longer than five minutes. We had to sedate you." She looked concerned. "Do you have a history of seizures?"

Merry shook her head again. "No."

Keller looked grim. "We also found traces of an unknown substance in your blood stream. We think it's an infection from your stab wound, but we are running tests now to determine that."

Merry closed her eyes. "I understand. When will you know more?"

Keller looked thoughtful. "Give us an hour or so to get the results…Merry? Doctor Steel?"

Merry's hand had started to shake, and she knew no more.

This time, when she woke, it was all at once. The seizure, what she remembered of it, had been just as bad as the first.

She tried to lift herself, to see what was going on in the rest of the infirmary. She heard low voices to one side; glancing over, she saw John talking to the rest of his team. The lonely feeling returned.

She jumped when Keller appeared at her side, stethoscope in hand and a fake smile on her face. "How are you feeling, Merry?"

Merry was sick of the question. "Fine, thanks. Peachy, actually. And yourself?"

Keller's smile became a little more sincere. "Very well, actually. I have some news."

Merry tried to look interested, but it took too much energy. "Oh?"

Keller glanced down at her clipboard before continuing. "You have a poisonous substance in your bloodstream. It is causing your seizures, and, from what we can tell, is progressive."

Merry tried to frown convincingly. "What does that mean?"

Keller sighed. "That means that the seizures will grow in frequency, if not strength, until the poison shuts down your major organs. According to the database, that takes approximately three days. And, since you've obviously started having the symptoms, we can assume that in about two and a half days, the poison will have run its course."

Merry gave her a sad smile. "You mean I'll be dead." Keller frowned but said nothing. Merry's eyes flickered over to John of their own accord. "Are you going to keep me here?"

Keller nodded. "We don't want you to have a seizure in a public place. Someone might accidentally hurt you while trying to help, or you could kill yourself falling down the stairs." She looked down at her notes again. "According to the database, the first two seizures are about six hours apart, and they get steadily closer together after that. I'll have a nurse assigned to watch you, so that we're not surprised again. She'll be told to put up privacy curtains as well."

Glancing around the infirmary, she gave Merry a little smile. "Would you like a private room?"

Merry shook her head. "Right now, I just…I would…I mean, I don't really like to be alone; at least, not since we…I got back."

Keller gave her a gentle, reassuring smile. "We're going to do everything we can. We'll fix this. However, I will have to inform Colonel Carter." She began to walk away. Merry sank into her bed, sliding the covers up to her chin. Turning, the doctor winked. "And since you're going to be here for a while, why don't you call me Jen?"

Doctor Jennifer Keller stood in the office of the leader of the Atlantis expedition, her cheerful manner from the infirmary gone.

"I can't help but feel that she already knew what I was going to tell her."

Colonel Samantha Carter frowned up at the doctor. "What are you saying? You think she did this to herself?"

Jennifer shook her head. "No. This poison is only found on that planet. According to the Ancients, the people were wiped out long before the first siege. I just…I don't know. I think she's hiding something."

Carter nodded. "Okay. Try to find out what that might be." She glanced back at her keyboard before holding up her hand and stopping the doctor. "Doctor? You should talk to Colonel Sheppard as well. He might know something we don't."

Merry tried to pretend that she was asleep, but she couldn't help but heave a sigh of relief when John's team left. They had been particularly loud.

According to Keller's research, she had a little over an hour before her next seizure. She only hoped she had enough time. The last seizure, brief as her memory of it had been, had been an eye opener.

She didn't want Atlantis- _didn't want_ _him_- to watch her die. She didn't want their pity. Mostly, she didn't want them to feel guilty when their plans and hopes died with her.

She had the address of the planet. She knew, almost certainly, that Red Fur had posted a guard near the gate to bring her back to the underground prison. She wouldn't be able to find it without a guide. Even if no one was there, she would die in peace. No one would take the blame for anything if she simply walked to the gateroom, dialed the gate, and walked through.

John had watched Merry out of the corner of his eye as he talked with the rest of his team. He had seen her flinch at every laugh, watched her gaze at their easy camaraderie with envy blazing out of her eyes.

He had watched her face when Keller talked to her. He couldn't exactly make out their words- they were speaking in low voices- but he had seen by her body language that Merry wasn't actually paying any attention to the concerned doctor, and that had John worried.

He had heaved a sigh of relief when his team left. He loved them to death, but sometimes they could be a bit overwhelming, and he was exhausted.

Every bit of his body felt as though someone had taken a large stick and beaten him repeatedly; in some places, that had been the case. He went back to watching Merry; he didn't want to sink into thoughts about that dark cell while something was going on, even if he didn't know what that something was.

He watched Keller leave the infirmary, and focused fiercely on Merry as she seemed to drift into a deep sleep. He could even hear gentle snores coming from her bed.

It was the snoring that actually tipped him off. He had spent days locked in a cell with her, and not once had she snored.

He closed his eyes halfway, watching the nurses bustle around them. It was during one of the long pauses, about fifteen minutes later, that Merry stirred.

She lifted the blankets and quietly set her feet on the floor. She glanced quickly at the IV in her arm and, wincing, slowly pulled the needle out. She began pulling various instruments from her body, not really paying attention to anything else. John began to do the same; if she was leaving, then he was going to follow her. It was hard to be sneaky pulling fifty pounds of equipment behind you.

It seemed to take hours before she finished. He heard her take in several deep, choking breaths and then heard the light patter of bare feet against the floor. He slid himself out of bed carefully, trying not to jostle his broken ribs or arm. It was going to be slow going.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

**Desperate Measures**

Merry didn't hear John behind her as she made her way down the halls to the transporter. She had to get to the control room quickly, before another seizure struck. She knew she wouldn't be allowed to escape a second time.

The transport to the control room seemed instantaneous. As she made her way down the hallway, she thought she heard it activate behind her, but when she looked back, there was no one.

She had no idea how she was going to dial the gate and get through without anyone trying to stop her. She couldn't exactly say it was official business; she was in scrubs, and it was a ridiculous lie anyway. She didn't think she was fast enough to dial, run down the stairs, and go into the wormhole without the guards stopping her; it would take a great deal of luck that she wasn't sure she had.

By the time she made it to the control center, she saw that luck was indeed on her side. It must have been later than she thought; there were only a few people in the room, and Carter wasn't in her office. Both gate technicians were buried in a pile of cable next to one of the consoles, and the security guards were both at one of the doors, talking. She walked as stealthily as she could to the console that had the DHD. She had memorized the address to the ice planet; writing it in her report several times had burned the symbols into her brain.

She dialed as quickly as she could, ignoring the shouts of the technicians when they saw what she was doing. She raced to the stairs; the two technicians were still trying to untangle themselves when she got to the bottom, and the guards were looking at the gate, confused.

Merry's heart nearly stopped when she heard John's voice. Skidding to a stop, she spun around. John stood halfway down the stairs, looking pale and worried. The guards took the opportunity to place themselves in front of the gate, guns raised. Merry growled low in her throat.

"You have to let me go, John. I can't…I can't stay here anymore."

He took a step down the stairs, wincing as he did so. Merry began to back toward the gate. He held up a hand. "Why?"

She frowned. "Why what?"

He took another step. "Why can't you stay?"

She glanced quickly behind her; the guards hadn't moved, but one of the technicians was paused in front of the DHD console, waiting for John's signal. "He…he told me that they have a cure…if I go back, I can get the cure. It was the only way…"

John had reached the bottom of the stairs. "The only way to what? Why would you need a cure?"

She gave him a harsh laugh. "As if they didn't tell you." She spun on her heels and made a dash for the gate.

She heard John's rough shout for the guards not to hurt her, but she ignored it. The open wormhole behind them beckoned. She watched them drop their guns to their sides and hold out their arms. She didn't stop as she leapt toward the shimmering pool of the event horizon.

It was a shock to hit the hard floor. She had been expecting snow; at the very least, something cold. It took a second to realize that she was still in Atlantis. The feel of a person on her legs, as well as the sharp pain in her side, made reality strike again. She nearly screamed in frustration.

One of the guards was lying across her legs. Her head and torso were lying through the gate, which the technician had deactivated. She slammed her fist against the ground.

John hobbled over, an unreadable look on his face. "Sergeant, call a medical team to the gateroom. You can let her up; I'll watch her."

The sergeant's face clearly showed doubt, but he did as ordered. The other guard held his gun carefully leveled at her. John motioned for him to take a step back.

Merry watched it all with a glare on her face. The sergeant, after radioing for the medical team, dragged her to her feet. John motioned toward the steps and began to make his way there. She followed him reluctantly, holding her side.

He sat in the middle of the stairs, patting the step next to him. She sat, mumbling under her breath. He shot her a look, and she stopped.

The pause before he spoke seemed to take forever. "What were you doing?"

Merry rolled her eyes, wincing as even that small motion caused her side to pull. "I would have thought that was obvious."

John smirked. "Yeah. Trying to go back to the planet where you were tortured for two weeks makes perfect sense."

She sighed. "I didn't say it made sense; I said it was obvious."

He waited for her to continue. When she didn't, his smile dimmed a little. "Well, maybe to you. It's less than obvious to me."

Merry gave him an incredulous look. "Right. As if they wouldn't tell you."

John raised his eyebrows. "Who?" Smirking, he looked up at Carter's office. "Carter? I've been in the infirmary with you. You would've known if they'd have told me."

Merry shrugged, wincing again. "I might have been asleep. Or ignoring you. I don't know; I can't imagine them not saying something."

John stared at her. "Is this going somewhere?"

Merry smiled thankfully as two medical teams burst into the gateroom, gurneys in tow. John glared at the sergeant, who stared straight ahead. Merry could just see a smirk on the man's face.

Keller was with the medical teams. For a normally cheerful woman, she had a steely look on her face and her jaw was clenched. She came up to the two of them like a lion stalking its prey; Merry sank miserably into the stair, but John sat as tall as he could manage, looking as innocent as possible.

"What did you think you were doing?"

Merry smiled, suddenly feeling very stupid. She didn't notice the tremors start in her hands. John, however, felt no guilt whatsoever.

"I followed Doctor Steel to the gateroom. She was trying to go through the stargate."

Keller raised one eyebrow. "And where were you going?"

Merry hardened her face. "I was…I was going to get the cure, okay?"

She stood and made her way to the gurney. Keller's face lost its hard look. "But…Doctor Steel, if you know something, you need to tell me."

Merry felt the tremor in her arm. Her eyes widened. "Not here."

Keller looked down at her arm. Her mouth tightened. "Get Doctor Steel back to the infirmary as quickly as you can. Put her in one of the private rooms…"

Merry sat up quickly. "No. I want…I don't want to be…can't I stay in the infirmary?"

Keller smiled lightly. "Sure. We'll have to put curtains up, though, at least for a little while." She motioned for the team to leave. "Now, Colonel, let's get you up on this gurney."

Merry's next seizure lasted a little longer than the last, but the recovery period had shortened considerably. Instead of sleeping through the several hours in between, she woke only half an hour later. The pain was infinitely more intense, but that only made it easier to wake up. She wasn't really sure which she preferred.

She groaned and rolled over, sighing as she saw the curtains pulled to one side. She also saw John, sitting up in his own bed next to hers. He had a tray in front of him, and she could just make out the top of a cup of blue Jell-O. She felt a sudden craving.

He looked over as she struggled to sit up. "Hey, sleepy. Feeling better?"

She looked over at him as her arm gave way and she fell sideways. "Immensely."

She struggled to push herself up, grimacing as she pulled on her side. He frowned. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." At his concerned look, she gave him a small smile. "Really, John, I'm fine."

He smirked. "Heard that before. Said that before."

She pushed the nurse's button next to her bed. "Well, it's a good thing I'm not you then." She looked up as a tall blond nurse walked over.

The nurse smiled, but Merry could see something behind the girl's eyes. The nurse leaned over her bed, checking her bandages. After she was done, she took a step back. "How may I help you, Doctor Steel?"

Merry smiled, a sickly sweet thing that she was sure the nurse could see through; she almost hoped the woman could. "You could give me something to eat. Please."

The woman's smile didn't change. "Of course, Doctor Steel. I'll be right back."

As the woman walked away, Merry stuck out her tongue. "I'm sure you will."

John raised his eyebrows at her acid tones. "Well. I didn't know you had it in you. Here I was, thinking that you're such a kind, loving person. Even your file says it."

Merry frowned. "Says what?"

John looked smug. "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you."

Merry shrugged. "Fine. Don't care anyway." She looked up as the blond nurse came over with a tray. There was a bowl of thin soup, a small cup of red Jell-O, and a glass of water. Merry looked up at the woman's face. "Seriously?"

The nurse gave her another fake smile. "Doctor Keller's orders, Doctor Steel. Dig in."

She walked away, leaving the tray on Merry's lap. She picked up the spoon and dribbled some of the broth, grimacing when she couldn't even find any vegetables. In a slightly mocking tone, she bobbed her head. "Dig in."

John snorted. She looked over at him and glared. "This is all your fault, you know."

John leaned back as a different nurse took away his empty tray. "Obviously."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

**Antidotes in the Right Places**

Merry must have waited ten minutes before one of the nurses noticed that she had finished her meal. John, of course, had kept up a steady stream of commentary. Once, before a bite of broth, he had made a reference to a bodily function, and she had snorted. His joke had been predictable, but no less funny for it.

The meal had filled her far more than she would have liked to admit. She didn't even need to ask for seconds. The nurse wrote some notes on her chart, and, without another word, walked away. Merry sighed.

John looked at her, with something resembling concern on his face. "What's wrong?"

Merry rolled her eyes. "Nothing. I'm fine."

John pushed himself up, wincing as he pulled on his ribs. "No, you're not. Doctor Keller and Colonel Carter told me what's happening."

She groaned. "Of course they did. Not that it's any of your business."

John growled. "The safety and well being of every person on this base is my concern, especially if that person is…"

Merry glared and interrupted him. "What? Especially if that person is what? Dying?" She clenched her jaw. "Don't look so shocked. I've known for far longer than you. I've come to terms with it."

John raised a brow. "Is that why they found your room completely packed and a letter to your sister?"

Merry's mouth dropped. "What the… You went through my things? How dare you!"

John's face tightened in anger. "You're a member of this expedition! We were concerned…"

Merry crossed her arms. "Well then, go right ahead and do whatever the hell you want!"

John threw up his hands. "I don't know why you're getting so angry! We did it to help you! Carter and Keller thought you might be suicidal, and…"

"And what? They thought a good look through my things would show a pathological attraction to death? Letters to a lost love and all that? No, they found a letter written to a dying girl's sister. They found that said dying girl had packed her things to be shipped back to Earth so that no one else would have to do it for her?"

John snorted. "And that's totally rational, right?"

Merry wanted to scream. "Yes! It's…I wanted…You know what, John? Just go to hell and leave me alone." She crossed her arms.

John's mouth twisted. "So you can be the self-righteous martyr? I don't think so. You're being so selfish right now…"

"Selfish? You're joking, right?" At his blank look, she turned away and began to mumble. "You should be grateful."

John frowned. "What do you mean?"

She started. "What?"

"You said I should be grateful. Why? Because you saved me the trouble of having to pack your things? Of writing a letter to a sister I didn't even know you had? Thanks."

Merry shook her head. "Just leave me alone."

John glared. "No. You want to be a martyr? You'll have to put up with me. I can keep talking all day…"

Merry felt angry tears welling up. Wiping her face, she rolled onto her side. "Go ahead. Talk to yourself all day long."

John growled in frustration. "Talk to me, damn it! I deserve an answer!"

Merry rolled over and looked at him with baleful eyes. "Why? Because you're the military commander of Atlantis?"

"No. Because I care…"

Merry looked away. He stopped, his mouth opened, just as Keller walked between them. The doctor looked at John. "Am I interrupting anything?"

John looked searchingly at the back of Merry's head. "No. Nothing."

Merry watched John roll away before turning to Doctor Keller. Her voice was quite a bit more sarcastic than she had intended. "Yes?"

Keller's eyebrows shot up. "Are you alright?"

Merry nearly sighed, but forced it down. "I'm fine. Sorry. What is it, Doctor?"

Keller smiled. "I believe I told you to call me Jen."

Merry smiled faintly. "Right. What is it, Jen?" She stressed the doctor's name.

Keller looked slightly more pleased. "We found the antidote."

Merry sat up abruptly, ignoring her side. "Really?" She noticed that John had turned his face to them and was listening intently.

Keller's smile widened. "It was in the database. It took a bit of searching and a lot of translating, but we believe we can have it ready by tomorrow morning."

Merry sighed in satisfaction. "Just in time, then."

Keller nodded. "Absolutely. Unfortunately, we need to get it into before the seizures become closer than twenty minutes apart. We estimate that that will begin to happen at about ten o'clock tomorrow morning; we'll be cutting it close."

Merry grinned. "But there's a chance…"

Keller smiled back. "There was always a chance."

John listened as they finished the conversation, talking about sedation and pain regulation. He was in a daze.

Merry wasn't going to die.

It wasn't his fault.

He cut that thought off before he finished it. It _wasn't_ his fault. According to both Keller and Carter, there was nothing he could have done.

You could have told her…

He crushed that nagging thought. That had never been an option. No matter what he thought he was feeling, talking would have solved nothing.

He watched Keller walk away, a large grin on her face. Everyone was relieved; he could even see the traces of worry leaving Merry's face, and he'd thought those would never go away. He should be happy.

He was, really. Just not as happy as he thought he'd be. Merry wasn't going to die. That thought should have sent him over the moon.

He just couldn't shake the feeling that something else was wrong.

Merry had let Doctor Keller- Jen, she told herself- finish explaining what was going to happen, but she didn't really hear it.

She wasn't going to die.

She felt, for the first time in days, a weight lift off of her chest that she hadn't known was there. When she felt her face smiling, she knew, without knowing how, that this was how a genuine smile felt. She hadn't smiled like this in days.

One thought kept running through her mind. She wasn't going to die.

It was only later, as they were injecting the syringe full of sedative into her IV, that she realized that John had almost said he cared for her.

John watched Merry twitch with seizure as she slept. He'd heard Keller say that they were going to sedate her, but he hadn't realized how lonely he'd be.

The hours passed slowly; visiting hours had ended before Merry had been put to sleep, and they wouldn't start for another two. His ribs itched, and so did his arm. He couldn't sleep; his mind was racing.

He cared what happened to Merry.

The thought had surprised him when he said it to her. He hadn't known her a month ago. He couldn't imagine that now, not after what they'd been through.

The irritating voice in his head added two words to that thought. Not after what he'd been through…_for her._

Merry felt her mouth move. That was the first indication that she was awake, but the pain was a close second. It felt like her sides were burning and her stomach was rolling. She felt like she had to vomit, but nothing was happening.

She peeled her eyes open, only to blink them closed at a bright light. There was a faint murmur at her head, and two more near where she thought her feet might be. Was this part of the torture? Were the damned barbarians in fur drugging her? She began to struggle.

The voices grew more urgent. She heard a man's voice above it all, and thought she recognized it.

"John? What's happening?"

It came out garbled, as though there was something in her mouth. She fought the rising tide of blackness, and lost.

When Merry woke the next time, she came fully awake almost immediately. She couldn't move anything below her neck, but she could feel it. She really wished she couldn't. _Everything_ hurt.

She closed her eyes, but her mind was fully engaged already, and she didn't feel tired. More than anything, she wanted to know if the antidote had worked.

She felt her head slide sideways and could do nothing to stop it. She found herself staring at a soundly sleeping John.

She starting memorizing his face, and felt the tug of a smile on one corner of her mouth. He looked younger, almost innocent, when he was asleep. His eyes, her favorite part of his face, were closed, and the lines, both from worry and joy, were gone. His mouth was relaxed, even parted a little. There was the hint of stubble that she was almost sure he maintained on purpose. His hair, normally forced into a relaxed position, was mussed from sleep and covered part of his forehead. He was snoring lightly.

It took a moment for her to realize what she was doing. She tried to look away but couldn't, even if she had really wanted to; her head wouldn't move. And she began to wonder if she would look away, even if she could.

His voice echoed in her head.

"No. Because I care…"

She thought that she might care, too.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

**Dreaming of You**

Jen wouldn't release Merry until she was sure that all of the poison was out of her system, and that the wound in her side wouldn't reopen. That took far longer than Merry would have thought, but at least John was there.

Merry had never thought she'd be relieved to spend time with the military commander of Atlantis. She kept trying to convince herself that it was only that she didn't want to be alone, but her irritating inner voice just wouldn't let her believe it. She could have had any one of her friends with her, but it wouldn't have been the same.

She was even starting to like his team.

They visited every day, usually together but sometimes alone. Teyla always had a few minutes for her. Merry began to wonder if the Athosian woman could read her mind; she always seemed to sense when Merry began to feel lonely listening to the team's banter. Ronon was very quiet and had a strange sense of humor, but when he relaxed, which wasn't very often, he could be very nice. Merry had the strangest feeling that there was something between the large Satedan and Jen, but couldn't confirm anything. She was even starting to like Rodney, a thing she had never thought would happen.

When there were visitors, there wasn't time to think about all that had happened to her over the past month. She was beginning to like having people around; she had even begun to learn the names of the nurses. Her favorite was Diana, the nurse with dark curly hair; she had also learned the name of her least favorite- the tall blond was named Carol.

The time she hated most was just after eleven. She had had trouble sleeping since she had been given the antidote, and the nightshift change at eleven meant that she was supposed to be asleep. Visiting hours were long over, and John, with his cocktail of sedatives and painkillers, was usually out like a light. Alone, she had far too much time to think.

She was almost always awake until at least two in the morning, and tried to stay asleep until at least eight, but was usually up far earlier. She was exhausted all day, and still couldn't sleep. She was slowly losing her grip on her temper, but no one seemed to notice. At least, no one said anything.

It took eight days before Jen would even consider letting her go, and she was ordered to spend one last night in the infirmary. John had watched on jealously- with his internal bleeding, he had needed surgery, and was stuck there for at least another week.

He had been sentimental and sickly sweet before he fell asleep on that last night. She had rolled over, trying to keep her eyes closed but failing miserably, when he had heaved a large sigh.

When she hadn't reacted, he made it louder and more dramatic. She turned over and groaned. "What do you want?"

He had sighed, even more dramatically than before, and put a pathetic look on his face. "You're leaving me to the mercy of all the nurses."

Merry had hidden her smile. "Yes. How heartless of me."

John had placed his uninjured arm on his heart. "Oh, you've wounded me!"

Merry couldn't have helped herself. She had giggled.

John had sent her a dark look. "Laugh at my pain, will you? You'll be sorry." She had lifted her eyebrows. "What?"

She had forced the smile down that threatened to overwhelm her face. "You can't move, and I get to leave…"

John had snorted. "Both minor inconveniences." He had appeared to think a minute before startling her with a loud exclamation. "I have a pillow!"

She had raised her brow higher. "So do I. What does that have to do with anything?"

She had snorted as he hit her in the face with his pillow. She had thrown it on the floor and glared. "You'll pay for that."

They had continued to fling pillows at each other's heads, Merry going so far as to grab a few off the bed next to her. John, however, just threw back the ones that she had thrown at him. Merry hadn't thought that they'd been too loud, until the clearing of a throat and the tapping of a foot brought them back to reality.

Rodney McKay had been standing in front of the two beds, a bemused expression on his face. Directly behind him stood Jen, and next to her were Ronon, Teyla, and Colonel Carter. Merry had felt the blush creep up the back of her neck and spread quickly over her cheeks; John had merely looked both sheepish and superior. Merry had doubted the same look would have worked as well on her own face.

She was brought back to the present by a small hand on her arm. She jumped, causing the clip on her finger to fall off and an alarm to sound. It was the nurse, Diana, who was smiling and cheerful. Diana quickly turned the monitor off, not even bothering to reattach the finger clip.

The nurse's smile brought Merry's rapid heart rate back under control. She wouldn't have been as surprised if she had been paying any attention at all to the woman; Diana was in charge of taking her vital signs so that Jen could release her.

It was as if the thought brought the doctor to her. Jen had a wide smile on her face, and Merry gave her a genuine, if small, smile in return. Diana handed the charts over to the doctor politely, and gave Merry a pat on the leg.

Jen glanced at the papers, flipping through them silently. "Well, it looks like everything's good." She looked up at Merry, a worried smile on her face. "Let me know immediately if you have any problems or concerns. Is there anything else you need to talk about?"

Merry frowned thoughtfully. "No, not really. I think I feel fine. Everything's out of my system and all, right?"

Jen nodded. "Right. Well, I'm here if you need me. You are free to change into your clothing- Teyla brought a it for you- and go back to your rooms. I placed you on light duty for at least a month- no more off-world excursions for at least that long- and I don't want you lifting anything more than a laptop for a while. We don't want to open your wound anymore."

Merry grinned. "I had almost forgotten it was there."

Jen smiled lightly. "Well, that's the medication talking. You'll be on painkillers for a week, and antibiotics for ten days. The nurse'll have your pills waiting for you in your rooms, neatly labeled and all." Jen's sudden grin nearly made Merry gasp. "I don't want to see you back here for at least twenty-four hours. Not even to visit."

Merry nodded. Jen's smile suddenly dimmed. "Unless, of course, there's a problem; don't hesitate to come to me if there's a problem."

Merry held up her hand and laughed. "Of course. Thank you, Jen." She hopped off the bed and nearly raced to the clothing. "Be out of your hair in a jiffy!"

It felt so good to be in clean clothes, but more than anything Merry wanted a bath. She walked out of the infirmary bathroom in loose running pants and a long t-shirt; Teyla had also thoughtfully included socks and a pair of low shoes.

Merry paused in the doorway and looked over at John. Jen was talking to him, and he had a rather sheepish look on his face. Merry nearly giggled at the thought of the quiet little doctor intimidating the roguish and loud colonel. She quickly sobered as the caught the look on Jen's face.

The doctor was exhausted. There were deep black circles under her eyes and her hair, caught in a neat ponytail, was limp. She was pale; Merry could see that from across the room. She felt a sudden surge of guilt. It was, after all, her fault.

Merry's room was not as she had left it. The boxes she had filled- most of them, at least- were still perched on her desk, but her clothing was scattered on the bed and floor. She heaved a sigh. Teyla had brought her the clothes, so, obviously, she had found them gathered together in the clothing box and placed neatly on her desk, awaiting transport.

All she wanted to do was sleep.

It took nearly two hours to put everything back where it had been; her clothing was in its proper drawers, her things back on the shelves and desks where they belonged. For once she was glad that she didn't have much at Atlantis.

She lay on her bed, staring wide eyed at the ceiling. She traced the lines with her eyes, hoping that that distraction would tire her out. It didn't help.

She tossed and turned until nearly two in the morning, when she closed her eyes one last time.

Merry was wading through snow up to her hips; she could feel that she was trying to run, but the snow just kept getting deeper and deeper. She could see, through the solid whiteness that surrounded her, a dark blob ahead on top of the snow.

_As she got closer, she realized that it was John. Closer still, and she could see that he was dead, arrows jutting out of nearly every inch of his body. She felt her heart stop, and suddenly she was racing across hard-packed snow to get to him. She grabbed him in her arms and began to sob. _

_John's face was clear, perfect; just as she had remembered. There was even the hint of a smirk on his mouth. She looked down into his eyes to see maggots begin to crawl out. She screamed and dropped him and began to back away. _

_John stood, the arrows making a hideous sound as he straightened. He pointed a finger at her and she took a step back. Her foot fell into the snow and she twisted sideways to stop herself from falling. John advanced, every step a horrible song of breaking arrows. _

_His voice was rough. "Your fault. This is all your fault."_

_And then he collapsed into a molding corpse. _

Her scream woke her. She sat straight up in the bed, panting heavily and pulling her covers higher. She scrambled to the head of the bed, eyes wide and her breath coming in choking gasps. It took her a moment to realize that she was still in her quarters.

She thought, for one brief moment, of going to the infirmary to check and see if John was okay, but she quickly talked herself out of it. He was fine; she hadn't killed him today.

She lay down again as soon as she could control her breathing; it took nearly twenty minutes, by the clock, a twenty minutes in which she replayed the horrible nightmare over and over. She pulled the covers to her chin and wrapped her arms around her pillow. The clock read quarter after five. She willed herself back to sleep, and hoped against hope that there wouldn't be any more dreams.

She woke at least twice more, but she didn't remember either dream. Finally, at nearly nine o'clock, with the sun just painting a picture on the far wall, she fell deeply asleep for the final time.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

**Chapter Eleven**

**Bookshelves Are Dangerous **

Merry slept until early afternoon, when her body finally told her it was time to get up and actually _do_ something.

The bathroom beckoned, so she grabbed a long robe and a mostly clean towel and ran herself through a long, languid shower. She sat on the floor in the corner and let the nearly too-hot water run over her back, avoiding her side and the rapidly fading bruises. She stepped out of the shower and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.

She winced. There were large yellow and purple bruises all around her arms and legs, as well as around her middle, near the arrow wound. Resisting temptation, she didn't peel up the waterproof bandage to check her side. That could wait, she thought, until Jen checked her over.

She walked out of the bathroom to grab a loose blue t-shirt and a pair of black running pants; she didn't want anything to brush up against her side. The socks, fluffy and bright pink, were actually the hardest to get on. She sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over, wincing as she pulled on the wound. She went at it from a different angle, but it didn't seem to help much. She was in the process of contorting herself to the right to get her left sock on when the chime on the door rang.

"Come in…oof!"

She toppled sideways, just managing to avoid falling off the bed, as her friend Leslie Tanner opened the doorway. Leslie choked back a snort and rushed over to help her. Merry winced again as Leslie's hand brushed against her side, but didn't say a word.

Leslie, sensing the problem, bent over and quickly put Merry's socks on. Merry blushed, embarrassed.

"You don't have to do that, Les."

The Australian astronomer looked up at her and smiled. "I don't want you to go back to the infirmary now, do I?"

Merry sighed. "Fine. But I can put my slippers on myself."

Leslie grinned. "Of course."

Merry bent over awkwardly and pulled her dark green slippers out from under her bed. "So, how come you're here?"

Leslie sank onto the bed. "Can't a girl just visit her best friend after she's released from hospital?"

Merry raised a brow and slid her feet into the slippers. They had large yellow smiley faces on the toes. "Not when said best friend knows the girl too well." She sat on the bed next to Leslie. "What's wrong?"

Leslie heaved a huge groan and let the emotions she had been hiding under a thin mask peek out. "Everything!"

After two hours spent listening to Leslie pour out her woes, Merry had made an excuse and Leslie left, with promises to visit tomorrow. She also said that Doctor Ames, the head of the astronomy department, had saved most of her work for later, when she got better. Merry smiled as cheerfully as she could manage, but was so relieved when Leslie was gone that she sank to the floor next to the door.

She adored Leslie normally, but sometimes her incessant chatter was too much. And the thought of the pile of work she had left on her desk was enough to make her cry. She forced back the feeling and began to straighten up, turning on a CD of her favorite classical music.

Her radio was on the edge of the desk, on top of a stack of the paperwork she had brought back to her room the day before the mission. A box of books, mostly work-related but a few personal reads, waited patiently in the center of the desk. Her shelves were empty; the only box anyone seemed to have gone through was the one with her clothes.

She was in the process of lifting a stack of books from one of the boxes, a job Jen had explicitly said to leave until later, when the door to her room slid open. She didn't hear the door open and so had her back to the person, balancing the heavy pile awkwardly against the shelf and pulling out one book at a time to put away.

"So, whatcha doing?"

Merry shrieked and jumped, knocking half of the books she was holding to the floor and managing to upset the shelves too. The one half-full fell onto the full one below it, crashing down in a spectacular display. Merry stumbled backwards as the books fell, catching her foot on the edge of the bed and tripping. The rest of the books in her hand flew through the air while the shelf crashed down, tipping dangerously. She watched with wide eyes as the heavy piece leaned forwards, threatening to smash her.

She didn't even see the person move, but in less time than it took to register that she was going to be killed, the shelf was being heaved backward, into its rightful place. She winced as one last book fell on her thigh, adding another colorful bruise to her already battered body. Pushing it off onto the floor, she tried to push herself up, but her knee, twisted as she fell, wouldn't support her weight.

She nearly flinched when she saw a hand out of the corner of her eye, reaching out to help. She glanced up and resisted the urge to groan. It was John Sheppard.

"Aren't you supposed to be resting in the infirmary?" She took his hand and heaved herself up, wincing as she felt a searing pain in her side.

He grinned. "Aren't you supposed to be taking it easy?" At her questioning look, he waved his hand wildly, indicating her room. "No heavy lifting?"

She frowned and collapsed onto the corner of her bed. "Right, well, obviously I have a problem with orders." She patted the bed beside her. "And I believe that little problem is mutual."

John's grin widened. "Yeah, well, we all have our little issues, don't we?"

Merry nodded, suddenly feeling extremely tired. "Yeah, guess so."

He frowned. "What's wrong?"

She sighed, trying not to fall asleep. "Nothing. Just tired."

John stood, a worried look on his face. "Well then, I'll just leave you to it." She watched him walk to the door, with the worried look still on her face.

She glanced quickly around the room. "I could use some help cleaning up." Suddenly feeling self-conscious, she looked down at her crossed fingers. "You know, if you didn't have anything else to do."

He grinned, and it lit up his face; she couldn't help but smile back. "I would love to help."

They spent the better part of an hour picking up all of the books and the shelves that had fallen over. Merry found that when he was alone and in a good mood, John could be quite the charmer. By the time they were done, she was exhausted, and she could see that the work had taken its toll on him, too.

She collapsed onto her bed, sprawling uncomfortably on top of a small wooden bowl painted with flowers. She pulled it out from under her and let it drop to the floor. John lounged next to her, his leg propped up and tipping precariously towards the edge of the bed.

She sighed tiredly. "Thank you so much. I don't think I could have managed without you."

John smiled. "Sure you would. It just wouldn't have been as perfect."

She sat up slightly, putting her head on his shoulder. "Seriously. Thank you." She put everything into the words- their capture at the gate, where he could have just left her, protecting her in the cell, the company- and hoped that he understood.

He looked at her, eyes drooping, and moved to get up. "I should let you get some sleep."

Merry put a hand on his arm, half-asleep. "Don't go." As he sat down next to her, she leaned heavily into him. "Sometimes I think I am back there."

John furrowed his brow, concern at the edges of his eyes and mouth. "Well, who can resist such an offer? How 'bout this- you sleep for a little bit, then I'll go back to the infirmary. That all right?"

Merry nodded sleepily. "Perfect. I'm just going to…"

She motioned toward her pillow. The bed was too small for John to lay next to her, so he sat at the head, moving her so that she fell asleep against his shoulder. In just a few minutes, he was asleep, too.

John woke to the sound of a loud, not-quite-whispered argument. His eyes felt heavy and dry, and there was something warm at his side. He felt the warmth breathing and realized that it was a person; another second, and he saw that it was Merry.

"You wake them then, McKay…"

"You're her friend…"

"You're _his_…"

John felt Merry stir and the voices quieted, but they still hadn't realized that he was awake. Merry snuggled her face in closer, and he winced when she squeezed just a little too tightly. Her breathing was steady and low, and he felt his heart start to beat a little faster.

He moved his head a little, so that it was resting on top of hers, and felt his eyes slide closed again. He tuned out the heated argument in the hallway and let Merry's breathing send him into the depths of sleep again.

Merry was in her dark prison cell, but unlike the last time, she could see. It was pitch black, of course, but it was a dream, so her mind told her that she could see everything. John was sitting on the floor, and though he was hurt, and badly so, there was no evidence of the injuries that she _knew_ he had. She was next to the door, and she couldn't even feel the pain of the arrow wound.

"John?"

His smile was brilliant. "Yes, Merry?"

"Are we ever going to get out of here?"

His smile said it all. "Of course. I have a ship, remember?"

And suddenly they were on a jumper, flying away from the giant ice covered continent that she honestly couldn't have seen from space. And then he was holding her, and they were laughing, safe, and she couldn't help but kiss him. He kissed back, of course. And then she could hear someone laughing and someone sputtering, and another, fainter, shocked gasp.

She didn't care. She kept kissing John.

And suddenly, as quick as a thought, she realized that she was awake, and he was still kissing her back.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

**Chapter Twelve**

**Dreams and Kisses**

Merry slid her tongue along John's lower lip, begging and gaining permission to deepen the kiss. She felt his arm slide up around her waist, and leaned closer, nearly straddling him now. His other hand went into her hair and pulled her deeper.

She could have pretended that she couldn't hear the person clearing their throat, but apparently John couldn't. He broke the kiss abruptly, his eyes glazed with sleep and lust. Her own felt no better, and her hair was mussed from sleep and his hands.

She looked over at the doorway with half-dazed eyes. Her friend Leslie was standing next to Ronon Dex, her eyes wide and her mouth dropped. Ronon looked impassive, with a slight grin on the edge of his mouth; he wasn't even looking at her, but at the Colonel. Behind him was her head of department, Doctor Ames, with a confused expression, and Colonel Carter, who looked amused.

She blushed. John showed no shame, but rather crossed his arms and lifted a brow. She didn't try to get off of him; it was a little late for that.

Ronon smirked. "Sheppard, Keller wanted us to find you. Something about you going missing from the infirmary. McKay said I could find you here. Keller's not happy."

Leslie didn't say a word, just waited while John untangled himself from her bed sheets and left without a backward glance, following Ronon. Carter raised a brow and spoke for the first time.

"Doctor Steel, may we have a word with you?"

Merry nodded. Leslie, taking the not-so-subtle hint, began to back out. "I'll just see you later than, shan't I?"

Ames, with a stern set to his mouth, followed her out of the door. It shut, and Merry could just make out a voice on the other side, but the words were indistinct. Moments later, Ames walked back in, a serious expression on his face.

Merry motioned for them to sit on the two chairs she had not thrown things onto and took the edge of the bed, the beginnings of a blush spreading up from her chest.

"What's this about, Colonel, Doctor?"

Ames looked around her room with a look of distaste. "It's come to our attention that you have not left Atlantis since arriving here nearly three years ago."

Merry blinked. This was not what she had been expecting. "No sir, unless you count the evacuations and my little bits of time off-world."

Ames' sense of humor was gone, it seemed. "We don't." He shifted through a small stack of paperwork. "Your file says that you have a twin sister back on Earth." It wasn't a question.

She answered anyway. "Yes. She and her family live just outside of Colorado Springs."

Carter nodded. That was in her file too. "Doctor Keller has strongly recommended that you go back to Earth to recover from your injuries. She feels that a change in scenery will do you good."

Merry blinked. "Okay."

Ames cleared his throat. "We've contacted your sister. She is able and willing to house you for the duration of your stay."

Merry clenched her jaw. "I'm sure she is. How long will I be there?"

Carter smiled lightly. "You will be leaving through the Stargate in about three hours. The _Daedalus_ is on its way back to Earth now, so you should be back to Atlantis in about three weeks."

_Three weeks_? What was she going to do for three weeks?

She didn't ask, however. "What should I bring?"

Carter lost her war with the little smile; it disappeared. "Clothes for two or three weeks. You'll be quarantined, of course, but then your sister said she'd pick you up at the base."

Merry nodded. "Great."

Ames stood, and Carter followed suit, although a bit more reluctantly. "Have a nice vacation, Doctor Steel," he said as he left. Carter didn't say a word.

_Do I have a choice?_

Merry stood with two other scientists in the gateroom. Her small bag was in a pile of other luggage, and she tapped her foot impatiently. She didn't know who or what they were waiting for, but they had been waiting for five long, tedious minutes.

It wasn't like she particularly wanted to see her sister; they hadn't spoken in person in ten years, on the phone in nearly six. She rarely sent her an email anymore; the responses were always more dull than the ones she had sent, full of minor, boring details about her three children and her husband, and nothing at all worth the amount of computer space used.

It wasn't that Merry didn't care about her sister; it was that her sister didn't care about her anymore. There had been a minor scuffle between the two about her father's funeral and the settlement of his estate. That had been eleven years ago, and Merry had forgiven her sister for it; what Pip was still angry about was the fact that Merry had missed her wedding.

Merry jerked herself out of her memories as she heard the sound of heavy boot steps coming down the hall and an odd echo that sounded like wheels.

She could barely make out Colonel Carter sitting in her office; the woman was typing at her computer, oblivious to the fact that she was sending one of her people into an environment of torture and, possibly, death.

The sounds of the boots were closer now, and she could definitely make out the sound of a wheelchair. She wondered who else was going on this little _vacation_.

She jumped when the gate activated behind her. She turned to watch one of the marines begin to toss the luggage through- a little side comment from Leslie made sense now- and forgot to watch the wheelchair come up to the gate.

The two other scientists, Doctors Wormwood and Sumitomo, walked calmly through the event horizon, not even bothering to check and see if anyone wanted to say goodbye. Merry sighed and took a quick look around the gateroom; three weeks, possibly even more, was a long time not to see something as welcoming as Atlantis.

She began to walk towards the gate when she heard a familiar voice behind her. "Shut up, McKay. Its not like I had a choice."

John Sheppard was leaving Atlantis, too.

John sat on the edge of the bed in the infirmary, waiting for Doctor Keller to come back. His leg throbbed and there was a slight burning pain in his back, but he felt fine. Mostly. He shifted his weight to one side; his ribcage ached just a little bit, but not enough to make him feel the need to do anything about it.

Ronon leaned nearby against a wall, an unreadable expression on his face and his arms crossed. John looked around the infirmary, hoping to spot the doctor to see how long she would be; he wasn't impatient, really, just anxious to be out of there. And Ronon's impassive face wasn't helping much.

John saw the doctor, clipboard in hand, headed his way, a slightly tense expression on her face. It softened for just a moment when she saw Ronon, but was firmly back in place when she turned to him.

"Well, Colonel, I must say, you have an impressive ability to injure yourself."

John's eyebrows shot into his hairline. "What?"

Keller flipped the first page, not even looking at it as she took in his posture. "You reopened three of the cuts on your back, the stab-wound on your leg, and pulled several muscles in your chest and along your ribcage. Is something wrong with your arm?"

He looked down at his arm, pressed against his middle. "No. Just my ribs."

She sighed. "I'm going to wrap your side and redo your stitches." She turned to Ronon, and this time he couldn't see her face. "This'll be a while. You can come back in about an hour and a half to pick him up."

John sighed. "I don't need a babysitter."

Keller raised an eyebrow. "I disagree. We'll wrap your ribs after the stitches. Rose, can I get some clean gauze here?"

The nurse she had turned to, a middle-aged woman with faint threads of white in her mousy brown hair, nodded and came back quickly with a large stack of bandages. Ronon nodded at John and nearly smiled at Keller before turning and leaving the infirmary.

John was sure he hadn't gone very far.

It was when she was stitching the second cut on his back that Keller spoke up again. "So, I hear you have some vacation time coming up."

John groaned as she touched a ticklish spot near his spine. "Yeah. Why?"

Keller jerked. "Nothing." They spent the next two minutes in silence. "Okay, so what do you plan on doing with so much free time?"

John shrugged, wincing as it pulled his ribs. "Nothing. I was thinking of putting it off a little while, actually."

Keller's hand's stilled for a second, then resumed her stitching. "I don't think that's such a good idea. You should take as much as you can."

John shook his head. "Nah. Don't see the point, really. Don't have anything to do."

Keller moved on to the third cut. "Don't you have family?"

John shrugged again. "I have a brother."

Keller's voice gained a little more enthusiasm. "Don't you want to see him?"

John raised an eyebrow that she obviously couldn't see. "Not particularly. Why do you care?"

Keller's voice was full of indignation. "Just trying to make small talk."

John winced as the needle went just a little too deep and she pulled back. He opened his mouth to say something, anything in apology, but he was interrupted.

By McKay, of all people.

"So, Sheppard, have fun on Earth while the rest of us are here getting some real work done."

John opened his mouth to retort, but stopped. "What?"

Rodney frowned. "Work? As in discovering something that could change the tide of the war with the Wraith?"

John smirked. "When was the last time you did that?"

Rodney spluttered through a few incomprehensible words before John interrupted him again. "That's not what I meant anyway. What do you mean, have fun on Earth?"

Rodney looked put out. "What do you think that means?"

John raised a brow in an incredulous look. "I'm not going to Earth."

Rodney frowned. "Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

Keller interrupted what was possibly a brilliant retort of Rodney's. "Actually, Colonel, you have been approved for extended leave on Earth. You leave in just under three hours."

John flinched as the needle touched a nerve. "Who asked for it? Cause it wasn't me, you can be sure. And three hours?"

Keller frowned at McKay and ignored his last words. "No; it was me."

John nearly jumped up, but Keller shoved him down again. "What?"

She walked in front of him, needle in hand. "You aren't getting nearly enough rest here on Atlantis, and I can't trust you to take it easy." He opened his mouth to respond, but she simply pointed at the gauze wrapped around his middle with the needle. "You can't even go a few hours, Colonel."

John shrugged. "She has a point."

Rodney nodded, clearly embarrassed. "Well, yes, I guess she does. Have fun on Earth, Colonel." He spun on his heel and left quickly, glancing over his shoulder as he did.

John sat through the indignity of the stitches and the gauze, and even one of the nurses going through his things to help him pack for Earth, but the mandatory wheelchair was just too much.

"I can walk, you know."

The nurse, Rose, nodded. "Uh huh."

John twisted to look at her. "I can! I'll prove it."

Before he could move, she shoved him back down with a firm hand. "None of that now, hear?"

Ronon appeared like a ghost and carried the heavy bag. Rodney turned a corner and began to walk with them, almost as if he had planned it. Rodney didn't shut up the entire way; Ronon didn't say a word until they were nearly to the gateroom.

"Don't get hurt, Sheppard."

John looked up at Ronon. "I'll try not to, big guy."

Rodney's idea of a goodbye was "Try not to forget us little people while you're lazing about on Earth."

John sighed. "Shut up, McKay. Its not like I had a choice."

The turned the corner to the gateroom, to see it already activated and two scientists walking through. There was a woman, her hair color masked by the changing light of the gate, and he couldn't tell who it was until he was nearly upon her.

Merry Steel was going to Earth.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen **Chapter Thirteen**

**Still Unlucky**

Merry couldn't stand it anymore. Two whole days trapped in a quarantine room with only John and Doctors Wormwood and Sumitomo was just about enough.

It would have been bad enough with just Wormwood or Sumitomo. Jacqueline Wormwood was arrogant, condescending, and in complete denial of both emotions. She could have been pretty once; now her square face sagged at the edges, and her eyes were steely and dark. Her hair was always in a severe tail at the base of her skull, and pulled as tightly as possible. It didn't help that the hair was an indistinct mix of brown and gray. She was taller than most men and slightly plump. After two days with her, Merry was almost willing to call her fat. To her face.

Kaemon Sumitomo was short, much shorter than Merry. He was quiet, too quiet for comfort, and slightly oily in a way that made her highly uncomfortable. He had longer black hair that was greased back to his head and dark eyes in slits that watched her every move, even when he wasn't looking. His skin was pale and pocked along the jawbone and cheeks, and he would never have been considered handsome by anyone. He was thin, painfully so, and his cheeks were dark hollows in his face. He never laughed, and Merry had never once seen him come close to a smile.

Jacqueline- because a nickname was improper, and she was far too good for one- was from South Africa, and had a mild accent that may have once been appealing, and Tomo, as Kaemon liked to be called, was from Japan. He hardly ever spoke, so accent wasn't really a factor with him. Merry could have cheerfully slapped them both, right across the face.

It wasn't their fault that the most interesting person in the quarantine was John. It really wasn't. They just didn't help anyone, ever, with their boring observations and lack of humor. She couldn't help laughing when John made a joke, because honestly, they were funny, but she would blame them for not laughing along; Jacqueline thought John's jokes were crude and low brow, and Tomo had no sense of humor. And there was another whole day to go.

Merry just knew that everything was John's fault.

After the quarantine, she had rifled through her things, making sure that she had everything she needed and nothing alien tucked away. The Airforce had given her a cell phone, in case of emergency, and her sister would be arriving in less than an hour; apparently, they had told her just how long the quarantine would last.

She had gone to the elevator to go to the surface when she ran into John; he was leaving the base too, apparently. They had ridden up together. She wished it had been in silence, but it hadn't. It had been the longest two-minute conversation of her life.

It had started just when she walked in the elevator, when he reached around her and pushed the button. She had been closer.

"Hi." His voice didn't sound the least bit sarcastic.

"Hey." Hers, however, was full to the brim with it.

"So, where are you going?"

Merry smiled and pushed down a sudden rush of blind anger. "To visit my sister."

John nodded. "Oh. That'll be fun." He sounded sincere, but one could never be too sure.

"Not really. We haven't spoken in a few years." She winced at how that sounded, then winced for caring what he thought.

"Ah."

There had been a pause there, just long enough to be uncomfortable.

"So, where are you going?"

He smiled quickly. "To visit my brother."

"Ah. Sounds interesting." It didn't.

"It's not."

"Ah."

Thankfully, the elevator doors sprang open, allowing them to halt the conversation.

She had never been so happy in her life.

Of course, his brother had picked him up first. Or, rather, his brother's car had picked him up. He had waved at her with an uncomfortable little smile and got in. She had waved half-heartedly back, then sat down to wait for her sister.

And wait.

It took an hour for her sister to arrive, in a gray minivan, of all things, and then she had to enlist the help of one of the enormous marines standing next to the gate to put her things in the back. The guard had nodded, then, thinking she wasn't looking, shot a glare at her sister that should have peeled skin. Many of the personnel had known- how, she had no idea- what had happened to both Colonel Sheppard and herself, and had been especially kind.

The guard had also opened the door for her, held her elbow to help her in, and then shut it behind her, all with a not-so-mocking smile to her sister. Pip had just looked incredulous.

They had been driving for a few minutes before her sister spoke. "So, who'd you sleep with?"

And that question was John's fault, too.

Most of the ride to her sister's house was filled with awkward and angry silences. They hadn't seen each other in far too long for Merry to expect a comfortable ride, but what she hadn't expected was her sister's near constant ridicule. The first question had, of course, been followed by a brief argument, and that had led to another, and another, until Merry had folded her arms in frustration.

Phillipa was her identical twin, so she knew that the frustration on her face was echoed in an uncanny fashion. Her mother had loved the Lord of the Rings novels, and had wanted to name all of her children after characters in the books. She was supposed to have been Galadriel, and her sister was to have been Arwen. Her father had put a stop to that. He, however, had liked elaborate and over the top names, so they had compromised. He would name them with one of his too-fancy names, and she would get to nickname them after the characters in the novels.

Thus had the twin girls Mercedes and Phillipa been born, and immediately given the names of Merry and Pippin.

They both had their mother's long auburn hair, though Pip's was shorter, to the shoulder, and Merry's own was now at mid-back. They both had her nose and mouth as well, something she had always been grateful for; her father's nose looked as though it had been broken at least once, and his mouth was just a hair too wide. She had always thought her mother's mouth was perfect, and her nose was straight and perfect for her face. The freckles smattered across their noses and cheeks were from their father, as were their eyes, both a brilliant sapphire blue.

Their differences were harder to pick out. Merry was almost half an inch shorter, but her sister's hair had always made it look like more, and Pip was slightly more muscular; at least, she had been. Now Merry made her sister look almost plump.

The ride to her sister's house took almost half an hour, with frequent stops for traffic lights. After a number of derogatory comments, her sister had settled her animosity and begun to ask more sisterly questions.

"So, Mer, where were you?"

After the angry questions of before, Merry had been surprised. "Hmm?"

Pip smirked. "Where were you?"

Merry sighed. "Oh." She turned to look out the window. "That's classified."

Pip laughed, a harsh croak that could have come from her more sarcastic sister. "You're an astronomer, Mer. What could you possibly be doing that's classified? Tracking aliens?"

Merry shrugged. "Guess you'll never know."

Pip nearly growled. "That is so typical." At her sister's incredulous look, Pip continued. "You're lying to make yourself look important, aren't you?"

Merry glared. "No, _Pip_, I'm not. The work I'm doing and where I'm doing it is classified."

Pip just turned to watch the road. "Okay. Fine. Don't tell me."

They drove in silence for the rest of the drive. Pip looked slightly happier when she pulled into a subdivision filled with white and off-white houses. They turned a few times, finally pulling into the driveway of a nearly yellow two-story house with three garage doors. Merry's eyebrows shot up.

"Wow. You and what's-his-name must be doing really well."

Pip glared. "Yes, _Tom_ and I are doing fairly well. Plus, we needed more space, with three kids and all."

Merry waved absently. "Yes, I know all about your little angels."

Pip pushed a button and the garage opened. She parked and got out. "Tom said he'd have dinner ready by the time I got back, and I set up the spare room for you this morning. Don't worry about your bags; Tom'll get them."

Merry pushed open the car door awkwardly. Her side hurt; the doctors in the infirmary had been poking it all morning. She hopped out of the car and winced as her knee twinged. Pip didn't see any of that. She was walking toward a door in the garage. Merry followed.

Merry was actually enjoying herself, as long as she didn't really talk to her sister.

Her sister's family was great. Tom Ryder, her husband, was a tall man with dirty blond hair and a neatly trimmed beard. His eyes were brown, something that Merry didn't normally find attractive, but Tom was so nice that she could forgive him that. He was a partner in a private firm, but after hearing that, Merry tuned out the rest of what he did.

Her sister also had three children, all under the age of ten. The two girls, Rose and Bailey, were eight year old twins. They had her long hair and their father's brown eyes, and the sprinkling of freckles made them look like little angels. Rose was a little bit more outgoing than Bailey, but not by much, and they finished each other's sentences. The youngest, a four-year-old named Sam was the spitting image of his father, with nearly white blond curls and his mother's brilliant blue eyes. He was much quieter than the twins, and did whatever he was told with a large grin on his face. Merry fell in love with him immediately, and he was quite smitten with her.

Dinner had been a simple affair of rice and chicken, with the prerequisite vegetables, followed by large bowls of cinnamon or chocolate ice cream (or, in the case of Rose and Bailey, half-scoops of each). Merry had never had cinnamon ice cream before, but enjoyed it nearly as much as Sam did. While Pip was settling the kids in the living room with a movie, Merry helped Tom with the dishes.

Tom had smiled as she handed him Sam's bowl. "You know, he's never even tried that before tonight."

Merry had smiled shyly. "Really? That's odd."

Tom had grinned, up to his elbows in dishwater. "I guess he really likes you."

Pip had walked in then. "So, Mer, you ready to see your room?"

Merry had handed Tom the last dish and nodded. "Absolutely. Lead the way."

Pip's house was huge and comfortable. The kitchen and dining rooms were both in pale creams; the kitchen, however, had bright blue curtains and the dining room had fruit stenciled along the ceiling. Those led into the music room, where Merry saw their passion- he was a concert pianist, and Pip taught piano lessons after school.

The music room, painted a lovely shade of white, led into a pale cream living room, with a large TV and massive leather couches. There was an open staircase from the living room that went straight into a large white family room upstairs. Toys were spread everywhere, and Pip heaved a sigh and mumbled something under her breath.

Her sister wasn't trying to show off, that much was sure. She would never have done it for Merry, anyway. There were six doors off of the family room upstairs. Two led into bathrooms; the other four were for bedrooms. Pip motioned to each in turn.

"There's my room, the blue one, and the one across from it is Rose and Bailey's; that's the pink room. Sam's is there, with the airplane paper, and this," here she pointed to the smallest room, "is the spare room."

Merry looked around the neat room. It had dark wood floors and beautiful dark wooden furniture. The bed had a brightly colored quilt spread across it, and the mirror had little flowers around the top. "It's yellow." She hated the color yellow, and began to suspect that Pip had done it on purpose.

Pip smirked. "Yes, well, I never thought you'd stay here, at my house."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Surprise Visitors**

Her first week at her sister's house was filled with moments of nightmarish freakishness in between playtime with her nieces and nephew.

Her nieces spent most of their days at school. Rose and Bailey (she couldn't think of them as separate units, now) were in second grade, and doing quite well. They came home and told her of their days; her sister's emails had been filled with this kind of thing, but she hadn't known them before. Now every little thing was a matter of import.

Sam spent a lot of the day trailing around after her. Pip had been irritated at first, but quickly saw how much peace that gave her. The house, as she told Tom late one night, had never looked so clean.

Merry spent most of the mornings in the living room, a laptop on her knees, going over the reports she had neglected. By the end of the week, she had caught up on the last three months' work, and had sent it to Doctor Lee to send to Ames in Pegasus.

Her favorite time of night had quickly become bedtime. She sat the twins at her feet and held Sam in her lap as she told them stories of Colonel John Sheppard, the hero of the galaxy.

"And when he saw the thing on a nest, he laughed. He turned to his friend and said, 'See? I told you there was an Easter bunny.'"

That had been Sam's favorite story. The girls liked the ones where John kissed a beautiful woman. After tucking Sam in, Rose and Bailey had asked her straight out. "Are those real stories, Auntie Merry?"

Merry had smiled. "Of course not. You can't travel to other planets yet, girls. Now, get in bed." After kissing them and handing them over to their mother, she had gone back to her room and finished her report.

'Lieutenant Simms reacted exactly as had the three other scientists who encountered the _cena_; he reached out to grab it and was rewarded by a bite on the hand. Unlike the others, he grabbed the thing by the back of the neck, revealing a nest with four eggs and Doctor Gregory's scanner. The _cena_ had been trying to hatch it. He ordered me to grab it, which I did, and then he put the beast back. He turned to Doctor Richmont and held out his hand for bandaging, saying, "I guess the Easter bunny bites."'

During the second week, Merry began to walk around the neighborhood. From her first month in Atlantis onward, she had always taken a run around the city; although using the same paths that most of the marines used and even, on occasion, Colonel Sheppard, she had never run into him.

On the second day, Pip had asked her to bring Sam with. The day before, he had whined constantly until she had gotten back, and Pip hadn't liked it very much.

Her relationship with her sister was improving, but she couldn't say how that had happened. Perhaps it was late at night, when she heard Tom and Pip talking as they came up the stairs; maybe it was the way her nieces and nephew reacted to her. She was beginning to feel comfortable around her twin again, and her sister hadn't made one obnoxious comment in almost three days, not even on accidentally.

On the third day, Sam found a stray cat. Both Pip and Tom were allergic, so he couldn't keep the animal, even though he and the twins begged. Finally, Tom relented and let it sleep in the garage for one night.

Two days later, it was allowed in the house. The cat was very friendly, and Tom even spoke of bringing it to the vet to get it checked out. Sam had named it Rooster, even though the cat was obviously female. Rose and Bailey argued him down, and eventually named the little gray thing Shadow; Sam still called her Rooster when his sisters weren't around, and Merry thought it was charming.

On Sunday, after her sister's family had gone to mid-afternoon church, Merry decided to take a bath. She was too tired to run, and wasn't entirely sure that she should leave the house unlocked while her sister wasn't there. She decided on the upstairs bathroom that the children used; the tub was deep enough to sink into, and that was where all her bath things were anyway. It was a tough argument to win; her sister's bathroom had a whirlpool.

She sank into the nearly too-hot water and sighed. All of her muscles ached; she thought she had been in good shape. Apparently, chasing a four-year-old was a lot more work than running could take care of.

An hour later, she began to wake up slowly. The water was tepid, and her fingertips were cold. The first thing she saw was Sam's bottle of shampoo, a large red kangaroo on a green bottle. She groaned. Something had woken her up, and she couldn't say what.

Then the doorbell rang again.

Merry wasn't often one to answer the door in her bathrobe, but the people had rung the bell twice more since she had woken in the bathtub. She wrapped a towel around her head, threw a fluffy pink bathrobe on (it was her sister's), and raced down the stairs. The front door had fogged glass, so she could just make out two figures on the other side. Making sure nothing was showing, she opened the door and saw the last person she expected.

It was John Sheppard.

And she was in her bathrobe.

She squeaked and slammed the door.

Merry stood against the door, perfectly aware that they could see her through the glass but unable to do anything about it. She glanced down at herself and blushed. The robe formed a V that went rather deep; the instant she had looked into his face, a blush had spread that went even further down.

She heard a tentative knock and nearly jumped out of her skin. She pulled her robe closer, turned, and opened the door. John was behind a slightly shorter, stockier man with the same eyes; if she had had to guess, she would have thought it was his brother.

The man held out his hand. "Hi, I'm Dave Sheppard. Is Tom at home?"

Merry pulled her robe closer and shook his outstretched hand. "No, Tom's not here, but he should be back at any time. I'm Merry, his sister-in-law." There was a long, awkward pause. "Would you like to come in and wait?"

Dave smiled, and Merry felt slightly reassured. "That would be wonderful."

Merry stepped back and held the door open. Dave walked in first, dragging his shoes across the welcome mat. John followed, avoiding Merry's eyes.

She led them into the living room, motioned to the couch, and watched them sit, Dave comfortably, John on the edge of his seat. She stood uncomfortably in the doorway as several long minutes passed.

"Um, I'm going to go upstairs and change, okay?"

She turned to go up the stairs when John jumped off of the couch.

"Where's your bathroom?"

Merry gave him a tight smile. "The downstairs bathroom is being remodeled right now. There's one upstairs." He nodded and didn't move. She waited for a second, then added, "I can show you, if you like."

He followed her up the stairs -and she was sure he didn't even try to take one peek under her robe- and she pointed him towards the bathroom she had just been using. She turned to her room and then spun to face him.

"I…" His face was expectant. "I…uh, forgive the mess. I was just taking a bath."

She didn't even notice that her face had flushed until she shut her bedroom door.

She dropped the robe and towel and grabbed the clothes on the top of the pile. It was her favorite red shirt and a pair of loose black pants. She opened a drawer and pulled out the first pair of socks she could find- they were bright pink with large blue stars.

She was bending over to put them on- first- when her bedroom door slammed open. John stood framed in the doorway. And she was bending over, naked, except for one sock.

Merry could have killed John. She had squeaked, grabbed the quilt from the top of the bed, and wrapped it around herself.

"What the hell is your problem?"

John spun and faced the other way, blushing to the roots of his hair. "I, uh, I…" He felt behind him for the doorknob to shut the door.

Merry blushed, too. She reached blindly for the shirt and pulled it over her head. It was long enough to cover everything that needed to be covered, and she let the blanket go.

"John?"

He half-turned, and all she could see was his silhouette. "I'm sorry."

"John, you can come in now." She was pulling her pants on as she said it.

He turned away again. "I…"

She raised her eyebrows and grinned. "I'm completely covered now. Please."

He shook his head. "No…"

She walked forward and put her hand on his shoulder, pulling him gently towards her. "John, it's alright."

He wouldn't meet her eyes. "I'm sorry."

She smiled. "It's fine." She turned his face toward hers. "Really."

John gave her a tight little smile. "I am sorry."

She grinned. "I know. And you obviously had something to say to me, so say it."

John's faint smile began to grow. "I just wanted to say that I was sorry."

Merry ran her hand down his face, loving the feel of the stubble on his cheek. "You did that already."

He grinned, a real grin this time. "Not for…_that_. For coming here, unannounced and all that. And before." She raised a brow in question. "The kiss."

She fought down her smile. "Oh. That."

He smirked. "Yeah. That." He turned away, and she fought him. "I've never done that before."

She grinned, blushing slightly. "Done what?"

"Kissed someone in my sleep. I've dreamed…"

Merry's blush spread to her ears; she could feel the heat. "I have a confession, too. I don't think you started the kiss…"

"Oh…?"

Merry turned away, and John grinned.

Merry finally looked up. "I kissed you first."

There was a long pause.

John put his hand in her hair and pulled her closer. His words were more whispers than anything.

"Then I guess it's my turn."

She sank into his kiss.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Little Gifts Come in Little Packages**

The kiss was even better this time, now that she was awake. And she could almost forget that he had seen her naked, and that his brother was waiting for them downstairs. Almost, she could forget everything, and just kiss him.

Almost.

A little intruder, no higher than her waist, put an abrupt end to that.

"Auntie Merry! Auntie Merry! Guess what?"

She broke the kiss and laughed, leaning her head against John's chest. "What's up, Sammy boy?"

The little boy's grin was infectious. "Mommy said we get ice cream with her dinner!"

Merry's eyes sparkled. "Is Mommy making dinner right now?"

Sam nodded, and then pointed at John. "Who's he?"

Merry looked into John's eyes. "This is John. He's my friend."

Sam smiled and began to go back down the stairs. "Mommy said to get you."

Merry watched John's grin grow. "We'll be right down."

As soon as Sam was out of sight, Merry kissed John again. And he kissed back.

It was five more minutes before they came down. John's hair was a bit mussed, but since it was always that way, no one made any comments.

Her sister was in the kitchen, looking slightly harried as she shoved a glass pan full of chicken and vegetables in the oven.

"Merry! I asked Sam to have you come down ages ago…"

Merry blushed. "Sorry. What do you need?"

Pip slammed the oven closed. "I need help! Tom forgot to tell me that his partner was coming for dinner today, and so I didn't make anything. Can you help me set the table?"

Merry nodded. "Sure. What plates do you want me to use?"

The next hour was filled with preparations for dinner, and it wasn't merely baked chicken and glasses of milk. Pip had trained as a chef for nearly two years before marrying Tom, and she loved gourmet food. She had made basil-rubbed chicken with carrots and mashed potatoes, accompanied by fruit parfaits and thin slices of several kinds of cheeses.

They used Pip's set of fancy plates, delicate red glass with painted white and yellow flowers and scalloped edges trimmed in real gold. Pip had ordered her to set out the wineglasses as well, and poured a bottle of wine in one of the fanciest decanters she had ever seen. And then Pip, frustration evident in her red ears, had nearly screamed when she saw the table.

"There's no tablecloth! And the kids are eating in the kitchen! How many times did I have to say that, Merry?"

Merry had turned on her sister, her temper flaring. "You didn't!" Taking a deep breath, she had smiled at her sister and held her hands up in defeat. "I will fix the table _and_ set the kids up in the kitchen. And then I will start on the desert that you promised Sam. Is that alright?"

Pip sighed heavily. "All except for the desert. The kids are having ice cream, and we are having a velvet spice cake with white glaze and coffee. And I already made the cake. It's in the oven right now, next to the chicken and the potatoes, keeping warm. So hurry."

Merry did, and in less than ten minutes, Pip was calling their guests for dinner.

Dinner was a strained affair, with noticeable tension between John and Merry, who were sitting next to each other, and Pip and Tom, who were sitting across from them. Pip was still angry with Tom for not reminding her of Dave Sheppard's visit, and Tom was still angry with Pip for her anger.

Dave was a charmer, and if he did notice the tension- how could he have missed it?- he ignored it; he was the highlight of the meal. He was cunning, clever, and had them laughing within minutes. He was sure to include them in the conversation- Tom about work, Pip about the kids. Merry was mostly silent, but John let his own brand of humor shine.

He had made a little comment under his breath about his brother, and Merry had snorted into her carrots. Pip had glared, even though she hadn't heard the comment.

Dinner ended after three more courses and seven interruptions from the kids for various reasons. Tom invited them into the music room for drinks, and Pip went upstairs to put the kids to bed.

Tom was passing out little glasses of brandy or, in John's case, whiskey, while Merry sat in one of the chairs with her glass of wine. John sat in a chair near hers.

Dave looked between the two of them. "So, how do you two know each other?"

John's mouth gaped open, and Merry blushed. Tom was looking curiously between them, waiting for the response.

Merry was the first to recover. "Oh. John and I work together."

Dave smirked. "How closely?"

John glared at his brother, but it was Merry who answered. "Well, I'm a scientist and he's in the military, so how closely do you think we work?"

Dave frowned. "What kind of scientist are you?"

Merry answered without thinking. "Astronomer."

Dave's brows crinkled. "What kind of place needs the military and an astronomer?"

John smiled disarmingly. "A classified one. Dave, we've been over this."

Dave grinned. "Yeah, but that was before I saw you two kissing."

Pip chose that precise moment to walk in, frustration and anger evident on her face. "Merry kissed him? How typical."

Merry chose to say goodbye to John in a normal way- with a handshake and a brief word.

Pip looked at her oddly, but both Tom and Dave ignored her. As they were saying goodbye to each other, John leaned into her and whispered in her ear.

"I'll give you a call soon."

Merry shook her head. "Not here. I'll talk to you when we get picked up by the _Daedalus_ at the end of the week." She looked into his confused face and resisted the urge to touch it. "Trust me, John. Please."

He had given her a look, but nodded. "Fine."

She smiled. "I'll see you soon."

She shook Dave's hand, using the usual pleasantries like "Nice to meet you," and "Hope to see you again."

Dave had responded in kind, with a wink. "Nice to meet you too, Merry. I'm sure I'll be seeing you again. Soon, most likely."

Merry had blushed prettily, but Pip's face had turned to stone.

Thankfully, Pip waited until they had left before turning her anger onto her sister.

"What the hell was that, Mercedes?"

Merry frowned in mock confusion. "What was what?"

Pip growled. "That…that kiss thing with Dave's brother, that Colonel guy."

Merry sighed. "That was a kiss, _Phillipa_. What's the matter with a kiss?"

Pip's face was red with anger, and her voice had risen an octave. "With you it's never just a kiss!"

Merry nearly growled. "How many times are you going to hold that over my head?"

Pip gave a harsh little laugh. "As many times as necessary!"

Tom was looking between the two as if he had never seen them before. "What are talking about?"

Pip glared at him. "Stay out of this! It's none of your business!"

Merry laughed harshly, anger coloring her voice. "I think your _husband_ has a right to know what's going on, Pip."

Pip glared at her twin. "Why the hell did you come, anyway?"

Merry threw up her hands. "You invited me! Why else would I be here?"

Pip raised her hand as if to slap her, then sighed. "Just…just get away from me, okay?"

Merry nodded tersely and ran up the stairs, ignoring the small sounds of crying coming from her sister and Tom's soothing murmurs.

Friday couldn't come fast enough. Merry and Pip didn't really speak to each other after their fight on Sunday, but they couldn't avoid each other completely, especially with the kids.

Tom had tried, in his own way, to get them to reconcile, but he tended to side with his wife; he had only known Merry for two weeks, and Pip _was_ his wife. He had asked what the fight was about, but neither woman would tell him. Merry merely shrugged and told him to ask Pip, and Pip would glare and send him to Merry.

When Friday finally did come, it was a bittersweet moment. Tom had to work, and the girls were both in school. Because the drive to Cheyenne Mountain and back would be too long for him, Sam was going to stay with a neighbor. It was going to be just Merry and Pip, alone in the car for half an hour.

Everyone had said goodbye in the morning, before they left for work or school. The girls had demanded that she visit, soon, or at the very least write daily. Tom had given her a hug and a peck on the cheek, and thanked her for staying. Pip hadn't been too thrilled with that, but right now Merry wouldn't have minded if the ground under her sister opened up and swallowed her.

Sam's tearful goodbye had been the hardest for her. Over the past three weeks she and her nephew had become the best of friends, and he had even begun waking early, to go on their morning walks. Merry had choked back her own tears and promised to write him a letter at least once a week, one that was just to him and not to his sisters. She didn't tell him that she had promised the same to each girl, and that they would be sent to Pip. She didn't feel that that would help the crying four-year-old calm down for the nice neighbor woman that Pip had called Lucia.

The car ride was silent. The radio had been tuned to a soft jazz station, but Pip had turned the sound down. It seemed her sister was determined to make the ride as uncomfortable as possible. It wasn't until they were in sight of Cheyenne Mountain that Merry felt the need to say anything.

"Pip?"

Her sister turned, a haughty look on her face. "What?"

Merry smiled as sincerely as she could. "Thanks for letting me stay with you."

Pip's face softened slightly. "Um, sure. No problem."

Merry turned and looked out the window. "About…before. About the kiss…"

Pip sighed. "Tom told me I was being over-dramatic. And I didn't want to agree with him, not for the longest time, but I did. It took me a while. Maybe too long." She pulled in front of the gate. "I don't hate you, Merry. No matter how hard I've tried to, after all you've done to me, I can't hate you."

Merry felt tears well up in her eyes. "I love you too, Pip." She got out of the car, grabbed her bag, and hefted it onto her shoulder. She didn't even notice that her side no longer pulled. "I'll…I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

Pip nodded. "Come back and visit. When you can." She pointed to the guard, who was making a bored face at the sisters' long delay. "Bye, Merry."

Merry smiled at her sister, for once not wanting her to just disappear. "Bye, Pip."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

**You're Never Alone When You Want to Be**

Merry watched her sister's car drive away with a kind of bittersweet feeling. It was just like Pip to finally reconcile with her, even over so minor a thing, and then leave. But that thought was entirely too harsh, and she wanted to feel nice towards her sister just now.

She nearly jumped in surprise when the guard grabbed the bag from her hand and marched her towards the gate. He was a brute of a man, at least a foot taller than she was, and nearly twice as wide. His face, she was forced to admit, would have looked better carved on the side of a mountain, and then demolished. He grunted when she asked his name, and rolled his eyes towards the neatly printed uniform. It said "Lt. Andrew Conner." He motioned for her to enter the little gatehouse before him.

She tripped over the threshold and nearly hit her head on the console in front of her. She heard the big lieutenant choke back a gruff laugh and took the folding chair that he had pointed to with his sausage of a finger.

It was five minutes before she became sick of the silence. "What are we waiting for?"

Conner grunted. It seemed his most effective mode of communication. "Colonel Sheppard."

Merry sighed. "Oh."

Another minute passed before Conner spoke again. "He's late."

Merry nodded. "I figured."

A few more long minutes passed in silence before Conner straightened abruptly and grunted at her. "There's a car coming."

She perked up. "Is it J…whose car is it?"

Conner kept his eyes locked on the vehicle. "Don't know."

They waited in agonized silence as the black sedan made its way to the gate. Conner stepped out of the little guardhouse and ran to open the door. She gasped as John stepped out of the door. It hadn't been that long- days, really- since she had seen him, but he still took her breath away.

He was so…perfect. She hadn't seen him out of his uniform that often- the exception being her sister's house- and the sight of him in a suit and tie was enough to get her heart racing. His hair, messy as ever, only added to that perfection. She heaved a heavy sigh of desire and regret and followed Conner out of the door.

She saw John visibly start; he obviously hadn't been expecting her. Her name was almost involuntarily ripped from his lips.

"Merry?"

She smirked. "Hello, Colonel. Nice to see you."

He grinned, completely ignoring the Lieutenant struggling with his luggage and walking up to her. "Hello Merry. Its nice to see you, too." He shook her hand, then pointed towards the car. "You know Dave."

Merry leaned around him and waved. "Hi Dave!"

She saw a vague form wave back at her before the sedan pulled away. She grinned at John stupidly. "I guess Dave's not here."

It seemed that she was doomed to be alone with John. Connor had escorted them to one SF, a tall, thin man with thick black eyebrows, who had escorted them to another with a heavy square face. That man had led them to a large woman with a mustache, and that woman (could she really be called a woman?) had led them into the elevator. John had, of course, kept a running commentary, and she had giggled most of the way.

Once in the elevator, they had stood staring at the numbers as they got progressively larger. They were on the fifteenth floor when the power went out. The elevator lurched slightly, but the doors didn't open.

When the elevator stabilized, they blinked in the sudden darkness. She could just make out John's face using the emergency lighting.

Of course, he had to say it.

"Well, this isn't good."

They sat in the back corners of the elevator, Merry on the left, John on the right. By her watch they had already been in there for twenty minutes, and since the phone (stupid thing! did nothing work?) was down, they had no way to tell anyone where they were.

It was John who spoke first, breaking the uncomfortable- at least for her- silence.

"So, how was your vacation?"

Merry grinned, hoping that he could see it in the dim light. "It was fine until you stopped by."

A laugh like a bark rang out in response. "Yeah, your sister was kind of…"

Merry smirked. "Bitchy?"

John laughed again. "Not the word I was looking for, but yeah, bitchy works. What was up with that?"

Merry sighed. "There was this thing in college." She paused. "Well, college for me. My sister was still in high school."

John frowned; she could just make it out in the darkness. "Aren't you twins?"

Merry nodded, though he probably didn't see it. "Yeah, and as you can imagine, that caused its own share of problems. I graduated high school at fourteen, and college at seventeen. My parents adored me, of course, and Pip never really measured up to me. She was probably just as smart as me, but she didn't want to skip grades. And then she didn't go to a proper college, and I was already in graduate school; my parents didn't really like that. I say parents, but it was really my dad; my mom died when I was ten."

John moved closer to her. "That's rough."

She nodded. "Yeah. Mom and Pip got along really well, but my dad and I were always close. It was really hard on Pip. And then next year, when she was in sixth grade, I was starting high school. You can imagine how difficult that would be."

John nodded, but she was still talking. "Anyway, Pip and I were still pretty close when she was in high school. We were sisters, after all, even though I lived in a different state. I was seventeen, in my final year before grad school, and on a break, and Pip talked the school into letting me go to the prom. It was amazing. I'd never really been around people my own age, you know?"

John moved closer, until their shoulders touched. "So your sister took you to prom?"

She giggled. "Actually, no. She had her own date, a boy named Kevin. He was cute, I'm sure, but I didn't really pay attention to him. She had gotten me a date with a guy named Ryan. Now _he_ was cute." She giggled, and John grimaced.

"At that time, I didn't know that she and Kevin were dating, and Ryan was kind of a nerd, but in a nice way. Everything was going smoothly; Pip was elected to the prom court, and she looked so happy. While she was on the stage, taking pictures, a boy that I thought was Ryan dragged me into a closet and started kissing me.

"I'd never been kissed before, you know. So, thinking that it was just a bit of harmless fun, I kissed back. Pip finished with her pictures and came looking for me, and one of her friends told her which closet I had been dragged into. She opened the door and, lo and behold! I was kissing her boyfriend. She thought I started it, because Kevin told her that he had thought it was her. Even I didn't believe him, but she did. We spent the rest of the time, about two hours, with her glaring at me. She's pretty much hated me ever since."

John sighed. "I can see that she would be upset about it, but to hold it over you for what, ten years? That's a bit excessive, don't you think?"

Merry blushed. "That's not the only thing that happened. It's just one incident in a long line of screw ups that are apparently all my fault."

John put his arm around her. "That's okay. My brother and I don't get along very well, but at least he fakes it in public."

Merry frowned. "That's not fair. I've done some pretty stupid things to Pip over the years."

"Every one does stupid things to family. They're supposed to forgive you. Dave's trying, at least."

Merry leaned into him. "I don't think that she should forgive me for some of what I've done."

John rested his head against hers. "There can't be anything too bad. You're not a bad person, Merry."

She looked up at him. "Thanks, John. That really means a lot." She wanted nothing more than to kiss him at that moment, but resisted the incredibly strong urge. "What could you have done to your brother that he still hasn't forgiven you?"

John didn't answer for a minute. "What could you have done to your sister?"

Merry nearly giggled. "Ah, touché!" She waited. "Well?"

John sighed. "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

Merry nodded. "Fine. You first."

John paused, trying to find the right words. "I left."

Merry waited for him to finish. When he didn't say anything, she smiled. "And…"

John shrugged. "And nothing. I left. End of story. In Dad's book, it was as if I had died. And Dave and Dad were a lot alike."

Merry sighed. "I'm sorry."

John held her closer. "I'm not. If I hadn't left, I would never have gone to Atlantis." _'I would never have met you'_ was on the tip of his tongue. "What about you? What'd you do to Pip?"

Merry sighed. "I…well, there were two things, really. Two horribly unforgivable things. First, I missed my dad's funeral. And then, less than a year later, I missed my sister's wedding."

John sucked in a breath. "Ouch."

Merry nodded. "Yeah. She could have forgiven me for one, but not both."

John grabbed her hand, holding her so closely that she could hear his heartbeat. "What happened? Those aren't things people normally…miss."

Merry sighed, snuggling closer. "Well, I went to graduate school in Australia. It has one of the better facilities for astronomy, and it was as far from home as I could get. And I was young, only eighteen. Most of the people around me were much older than I was. My sister called me to tell me that my dad had had a heart attack. I was in the middle of my graduate paper, and there was something, I don't remember what, going on at the observatory. I just…didn't go. Pip had to handle to funeral and everything herself. And my dad had left a will, and I skipped the reading of the estate. She wasn't pleased." She choked back a sob. "I should have gone. I didn't even tell my professors; I didn't want them to make me go. It didn't hit me until I got back home that he was dead, that he wasn't coming back."

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "I can't even forgive myself for that. Pip shouldn't."

John leaned down and kissed her gently. "What about her wedding?"

Merry took a deep, ragged breath. "It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't missed Dad's funeral, but I did, so… Pip got married the fall after Dad died. She had been planning the wedding for a long time, and Tom, her husband, and her friends convinced her not to put it off. Dad had been dead for almost nine months. She sent me an invitation; we weren't close, so I knew I wasn't going to be in the wedding party, but she wanted me there. I said I'd go; I even got a plane ticket. But then my boyfriend, Andrew, took me away to the beach for a relaxing vacation before going back to school. I missed the wedding."

John frowned. "Did this boyfriend know about the wedding?"

Merry nodded. "Yeah, he did. He and my sister didn't get along. I didn't even think when he asked me to go, and when we got back, I found that he had cancelled the plane ticket and had done it to keep me away from Pip."

John kissed her forehead. "Wow. Kind of a jerk, huh?"

Merry smiled. "Yeah, but I didn't realize it until after we were married. Pip didn't come, obviously, but then I hadn't told her what Andrew had done. I didn't want to give her another reason to hate him."

John frowned. "I didn't know you were married."

Merry giggled. "I'm not, now. I divorced Andrew about a year after our wedding. He was cheating on me."

John nearly snorted. "Well, I guess he _was_ a jerk."

Merry laughed. "More of an ass, really."

They were in the elevator for ten more minutes before they heard a pounding on the other side of the door. They could hear a faint voice.

"Anyone in there?"

John grinned and yelled back. "Yeah, there's two of us!"

There was a scrapping sound and the voice yelled back. "Get you out in a second!"

Merry knew that she should move away from John- she didn't want to get caught in another compromising position with him- but he didn't let her. He looked down, something hidden in his eyes. And then he kissed her again.

It was the kind of kiss that Merry had dreamed about ever since she had read the story of _Sleeping Beauty_ as a little girl. Little explosions popped behind her eyes, and she could feel herself melting into him. She was aware of his hands roaming around her middle, but couldn't feel them. She certainly didn't feel her own hands gripping his hair and pulling him closer.

It wasn't until someone cleared their throat that John broke the kiss. Merry stared up at him, dazed and wanting more, but he was looking both shell-shocked and extremely pleased with himself. He cleared his own throat.

"Colonel. Sergeant. Teal'c."

Merry blinked up at the three figures. She gave an embarrassed little wave.

Colonel Carter's voice sounded amused. "You know, John, if you wanted we could have left you in here a little longer."


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Returns of a Different Kind**

Merry was glad to be back in Atlantis, even if she did have to endure the knowing looks of nearly every person on the base. It seemed that word traveled quite fast in the city. She hadn't even been there a day before Leslie had come bursting into her office, giddy and grinning.

"Why didn't you tell me you were dating Colonel Sheppard?"

Merry blinked. "Excuse me?"

Leslie laughed. "You know what I'm talking about! Kissing in an elevator…"

Merry groaned and put her head into her arms. "Oh, God…"

Leslie patted her on the back, rather exuberantly. "Yeah, I knew it! Why didn't you tell me?"

Merry hadn't looked up. "Cause we're not dating. We were just…"

"Kissing in an elevator? Oh, this is just the best…Is he any good?"

Merry gasped. "What?"

Leslie smirked. "You know. Is he any good?"

"At what?"

Leslie sighed, still grinning. "At kissing, you dolt. Unless…was it more than just kissing in an elevator?"

Merry choked. "No! I mean…what do you mean?"

Leslie clapped her hands. "This is just amazing. When did you two start dating?"

Merry threw up her hands. "We're not dating!"

Leslie straightened out her face, but couldn't keep the merriment out of her eyes. "Fine. You're not dating. But you're doing something, right?"

Merry wanted to smack her. "Go away, Les. I'm working."

Leslie giggled. "I'll say."

Merry threw a pen at her. "Shut up." Seeing that her friend wouldn't leave until she got something, Merry sighed. "Fine. I'll talk to you at lunch. Now go away."

Leslie blew her a kiss on her way out of the office. Merry wished she had something more substantial to throw, because a pen was just too small.

Merry sat alone at a table near the window, picking at her ham and cheese sandwich. Leslie had promised to meet her twenty minutes ago, but she was running late. Merry was getting steadily more angry. She stared out of the window at the rolling waves, lost in thought.

John had kissed her, and it hadn't been the first time. His kisses were toe curling good, and she couldn't remember the last time anyone had ever just listened to her like that. And he hadn't judged her.

She hadn't thought about Andrew in years. He had been her first love, one of the few boys that hadn't cared how old she was. She had met him in graduate school; he had been twenty-six, she had been eighteen. They had spent every day together, and had helped each other; she had been much smarter than he was, but his research was immaculate. She hadn't noticed until the end how jealous of her he had always been. She had married him seven months to the day after they had met. Pip hadn't come; she had just married Tom, and they hadn't had any money. And Pip thought that Andrew was using her.

Andrew had been the most handsome man she had ever met. He had thick golden brown hair, stunning light brown eyes, and he had been taller than John. He had been skinny, too, but she hadn't minded much. He had been so romantic- flowers nearly every day, scented candles, and he had bought her clothes. In fact, he had completely cleaned out her closet and bought an entirely new wardrobe; he was an only child, and his parents were extremely wealthy.

He had been in the astronomy department with her. Leslie had been there, too, a year ahead of her. Andrew was how she had met Leslie. When she had started dating him, they had begun to work on projects together, but just after their wedding, they had both started their graduate papers. He had never allowed her to see his work; she had let him critique hers. Just over a year into their relationship, he had left his paper in the open. It had been a near perfect copy of hers.

He had told her he was having a talk with one of their professors, Doctor Paula Jude, but when she walked into the professor's office, they hadn't been talking. They hadn't even been kissing. They had been doing something that he had told her he would only do with her. She had stormed out of the office, taken his paper and hers to the Dean of Academics, and he had been expelled. She had divorced him, too. The last she had heard, he and Paula had two beautiful children and he had been utterly miserable.

She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up, expecting to see Leslie, and nearly leapt out of her chair. It was John.

And the only thing she wanted to do was kiss him.

John had been thinking about Merry non-stop since he had kissed her in the elevator. There was just something about her that drew him to her; he just couldn't put his finger on it. She was pretty- she had long curly auburn hair to her shoulders, with one stubborn curl that always ended up on her forehead, dark blue eyes that sparkled when she laughed, and she had freckles across her nose. She was the perfect height; she came up to just above his shoulder, and he only had to lean over a little ways to kiss her. She was a fantastic kisser.

He was on his way to meet with Ronon and Teyla in the gym for sparring when he saw her. She was sitting at a table in the cafeteria, alone, picking at a sandwich and looking out of the window. She had a thoughtful look on her face. It was another thing he liked about her; he could read her face as well as any book.

He walked up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him, an annoyed look on her face that instantly changed to something that he could only describe as desire.

"John?" she stuttered.

He smiled down at her. "Hey, Merry. What's up?"

She looked down at her shredded sandwich and blushed. "Just waiting for a friend. We're meeting for lunch, to talk."

John smirked. "About anything in particular?"

Her blush darkened. "N…no…? Why?"

John grinned. "Just curious. You're not going to talk about me, are you?"

Merry turned brick red and her eyes widened. "Why would we talk about you?" Her voice was nearly an octave above normal. And it squeaked.

John wanted to kiss her at that moment. "Just wondering." When she didn't say anything, he turned to go. "Gotta go. I'm meeting Ronon and Teyla so they can practice beating me up."

Merry frowned, but her blush didn't dim. "Should you be doing that? I mean, aren't your ribs still broken?"

John grinned, and it felt like the sun shone only on her. "Yeah, but if I go easy and wear a lot of padding, Doc says they can't get any worse. And I think that Teyla wants to go easy, too. Not so sure about Ronon."

Merry smiled. "Well then. Have fun."

John waved as he walked away. "Always. See you later."

Of course, that was the moment that Leslie chose to show up.

Merry's blush was dark enough to be a sunburn.

Leslie grabbed her own tray and sat in the chair across from Merry. She stared at the shredded remains of the sandwich and fought the urge to giggle. "So, there's nothing going on between you two, huh?"

Merry jumped. "What?" She began to stammer. "N…no, nothing. Why…why do you ask?"

Leslie grinned. Her dark eyes lit up. "Now I know you're lying. That was a very suggestive 'See you later,' and I see that blush. Spill it about the man-meat."

Merry choked back a laugh. "The what?"

Leslie smirked. "Man-meat. You know. That hunk of hotness that has 'I want you!' written all over him."

Merry actually did laugh. "I dearly hope that you're talking about John."

Leslie bit her lip. "Oh, so it's John now, is it?"

Merry blushed a little. "Yes. So?"

Leslie did a little dance in her chair and began to chant in a singsong voice. "I know you _want_ him, you want to _kiss_ him, you want to _marry_ him…"

Merry's blush deepened. Heads were beginning to turn. "Shut up, Les! Everybody's looking!"

Leslie smiled at her friend. "I didn't realize that it was a secret. I mean, everyone that went to Earth is talking about it."

Merry's eyes widened. "Talking about what, exactly?"

Leslie smirked. "How you got caught kissing him in an elevator at SGC."

Merry groaned. "Oh God."

Leslie perked up. "You mean it's true?" She began to laugh. "I thought that they were making it up! Oh, this is just too good!"

Merry wanted to shriek. "You mean you didn't know?" She looked up at her friend with wide eyes. "Please don't tell anyone. I'm begging you."

Leslie gave her a smile. "Please, honey, I'm the least of your problems. I heard it from Victoria Brendan herself. And I wasn't alone."

Merry groaned. Doctor Brendan was well known for her big mouth. "Where were you?"

Leslie grinned. "Well, she started talking on her way down to her office, and we were in the cafeteria. Somewhere along the way." Victoria's office was nearly at the base of the tower.

Merry sank further into her chair. "Why me? Why did he have to…"

Leslie's grin slid away. "Did he kiss you? I thought it was the other way around."

Merry frowned. "Why would you say that? I'm not that desperate!"

Leslie held her hands up. "I didn't say that! I don't know what's going on! You haven't talked to me about him, and I had to hear it secondhand from _Victoria Brendan_! What's going on with you?"

Merry threw up her hands. "I don't know! He keeps…Les, he's gorgeous, right?"

Leslie grinned. "Yeah."

Merry sighed. "So why does he keep kissing me?" Leslie opened her mouth to protest, but Merry talked over her. "He's so above me. I'm not pretty; I'm not even brave enough to go off world! Why does he want me?"

Leslie grabbed her friend and pulled her into a hug. "Merry, it's alright. And what do you mean, you're not pretty? You've got to be one of the prettiest girls here. Excluding me, of course."

Merry barked a sad laugh. "I don't know what to do, Les. I like him. I really do." When she smiled sympathetically, Merry laughed. "I bet everyone says that. He's…he's him. I know that it doesn't make any sense…"

Leslie gripped her friend tightly. "You know, you never told me what happened when you…when you were gone. With him."

Merry smiled through tears. "He was wonderful. He protected me. And I protected him. It was more than worth it."

Leslie grinned at her friend, tears in her own eyes. "Do you…are you in love with him?"

Merry laughed. "Yes. Yes, I love him." She smiled at her friend. "Plus, he's a fantastic kisser."

The gate on P48-972 activated and Sergeant Leeds looked up in confusion. They weren't scheduled for contact with Atlantis for another four hours. He tapped the radio on his shoulder. "Major Lorne? Sir, the gate just activated."

Lorne responded immediately. "Cover yourself, Sergeant. We're on our way."

Leeds watched the gate; nothing had come through yet.

It took Lorne and his men another three minutes to get to where Leeds was crouched in the bushes.

Lorne hunched next to the sergeant. "Anything come through?"

"Not yet, sir," came the sergeant's whispered reply. The words were barely out of his mouth before the event horizon rippled.

An enormous man wearing thick red fur stepped through the gate. He stood there, silently, as the wormhole cut out behind him; he scanned the forest.

Lorne made a hand motion, and his team kept their guns trained on the large man. Lorne himself stood up and walked towards the man, his gun trained on the man's chest.

"Identify yourself!" Lorne's voice was steady.

The man turned to him, his steely eyes tightly focused on Lorne. "Who you?"

Lorne raised his voice. "Identify yourself!"

The man walked around him, glancing at his uniform. Lorne kept his gun steady. The man took a step back. "Take to Sam and Frodo."

Lorne's eyebrows shot into his hairline. "Excuse me?"


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

**Sam and Frodo Climb the Mountain**

Merry's talk with Leslie had lasted another hour, and she had poured her heart out to her friend. Leslie, for once, had been quiet for most of that time, but very supportive. It was Leslie's idea to tell John that she loved him; Merry hadn't been so sure.

Leslie had convinced her.

"Merry, how do you know if you're just a…a fling, or something? I mean, yeah, you talked, and it was deep, but was it really? Or was he just trying to get into your pants?" Merry had choked and spluttered, but Leslie had continued on. "Merry, you have to tell him. If you don't, you'll regret it. Trust me. Do you know how many times I've told a guy I loved him?"

Merry had snorted. "Yeah, and that's really helpful, Les." She had sighed, throwing her hands up. "It's John Sheppard, Les! I mean, it can't mean much coming from a simple little scientist like me. He's Colonel Wonderful, and I'm just me. What could he really see in me?"

Leslie had slapped her on the arm. "What wouldn't he see in you? It's not like you've been Little Miss Perfect around him. If anything, he thinks that you don't like him." She'd hugged her friend. "Just tell him, alright?"

Leslie had left then, and Merry, not wanting to talk herself out of it, went to find John.

John watched as the gate activated, his brows furrowed. Lorne's team had called almost twenty minutes ago, telling Carter that they had had an arrival on P48-972 and that he was asking for "Sam and Frodo."

Carter had frowned.

John had paled.

She had looked at him, puzzled. "Who're Sam and Frodo?"

John hadn't looked into her eyes. "Me. Me and Merry…Merry Steel…Doctor. I mean Doctor Steel."

Carter looked at the gate. "From the ice planet? P4R-318?"

John hadn't blinked. "Ye…yeah. There." His eyes were desperate as he looked up her. "Don't let him come here."

Carter had never seen the man look so vulnerable. "He's asked for asylum. He says that he has information for you."

John's eyes were wide. His mouth opened and closed for a few seconds before he finally spoke in a small voice. "O…okay. Yeah. Le…let him through then."

Carter tapped her radio, watching John's face with concern. "Major Lorne, you have permission to come through with the…with our guest."

Lorne's voice echoed in the command center. "Understood Atlantis. Lorne out."

John stood watching the event horizon with wide eyes. When Lorne came through, he visibly jumped. The next person was a Marine, facing backward with his gun pointed at an as-yet invisible person.

John nearly took a step back when the man in red fur came through, followed quickly by two other Marines. Carter was looking at the man, and so didn't see the spasm of fear and anger cross John's face.

Red Fur looked up at the command center. He lifted a finger and pointed at John.

"Frodo."

Merry walked quickly to the gateroom. She wanted…she didn't know what she wanted. But she needed to see him, know that he was still there, that he was real and handsome and that he still wanted her. One look was all it would take.

There seemed to be a lot of military personnel in the hallway. She walked past all of them with a smile; a few she recognized, but most she didn't. Other than John, she didn't hang out much with the military. She walked by another clump of soldiers, all with guns held loosely in their hands and talking loudly. She barely noticed when some of the heads turned to follow her down the hallway.

She was one door from the gateroom when the gate activated. She waited and watched as several of the soldiers ran past her towards the gate, guns at the ready. She leaned against the wall, waiting for the crisis to pass.

When they were stationed at the doors, one of the guards motioned Merry and a few other scientists back. She glanced around their shoulders, trying to see who was coming out of the gate.

It was Lorne first; she had always liked John's second-in-command, even though she had never really met him. She had always heard fantastic things about him, mostly from the female scientists. Another Marine followed him; Merry thought his name was Leeds. Then the third man stepped through.

Her breath caught in her throat and time slowed down. The man was dressed entirely in red fur. He lifted a finger, pointing at something that she couldn't see, and his hand was dyed a brilliant blue. He spoke, and his voice was rocks rolling down a mountain. She could just make out the word.

"Frodo."

She froze. Red Fur was here, on Atlantis. John was Frodo.

The scream caught in her throat turned into a gasp, and Red Fur turned.

John watched Red Fur closely as the gate shut down. The man was staring up at him, ignoring the many men with guns surrounding him. Red Fur was just as he remembered.

The man was tall, taller than most of the men here; in fact, if he had to guess, he would say that the man was probably taller than Ronon. His hair was straw-blond and stuck out at odd angles; John couldn't see his eyes, but his memory painted them a light blue. He wore red fur- leggings, boots, and a thick coat.

John watched as the man took a step forward and then turned. A look of confusion crossed his face, but a mask of indifference quickly replaced it. He took two steps towards the hallway leading off of the gateroom.

Lorne lifted his gun. "Halt!"

Red Fur ignored him. Carter leaned over the railing, panic on her face. "Don't shoot!"

Red Fur gave a little flick of his wrist and charged the hallway. The Marines guarding the door blocked his way, but he barreled past them. John heard a woman's scream, and the blood drained from his face.

That was Merry's voice.

Merry was frozen in place, her mouth locked open from her scream. Several of the other scientists had turned and ran; two of the soldiers, guns raised blocked the hall in front of her. Red Fur charged past them, throwing them both against the wall. She watched in horror as they slid to the ground.

There was something in his hand. Her eyes registered that as he slid to a halt in front of her. His blue eyes, so beautiful, were full of an emotion she couldn't place. She was so focused on his hypnotic eyes that she ignored his hands.

She felt a sharp prick in her neck, and her eyes widened. Her mouth moved, but nothing came out. He jerked the tiny dark out of her neck. She could just see a drop of her blood on the tip.

"Wha…"

Her eyes rolled back in her head, and she slumped to the ground.

John skidded down the stairs, brushing past armed men all trying to get into the hallway. He pushed his way through until only Lorne, Leeds, and two other men were standing between him and Merry and Red Fur.

Merry was lying bonelessly against the wall, her eyes closed and her breathing steady. There was a spot of blood on her neck, but it could have been anything. Red Fur was standing, half in front of her, facing the men with the guns. There was a little dart in his hand. John could have sworn there was blood on the tip.

His gaze never left Red Fur. "Lorne, I thought you said he had no weapons."

Lorne blinked. "He didn't, sir. I mean, we checked him. There was nothing."

John nearly growled. "Then what's that in his hand, Major?"

Red Fur was watching the two men with something like indifference on his face. His hand twitched. Several of the soldiers twitched with him.

John had opened his mouth to say something- even he couldn't think of anything clever- when Red Fur moved. His arm jerked up, the dart positioned oddly. John leapt towards him, but was too late. Red Fur planted the dart between his neck and shoulder, and collapsed next to Merry.

John really did growl. "Get a medical team down here…" He moved closer to Red Fur, paying close attention to his face. If he was faking unconsciousness…

When the man didn't show any signs of consciousness, he moved forward and crouched next to him. The dart had only barely punctured the surface of the man's skin. John tugged it out and examined it.

The dart was small, no larger than a finger, and had a needle-like tip with a hole in it. The end was feathered, with small blue tendrils that floated. The center of the dart was glass, or something like it, with a small amount of liquid sitting in the bottom.

He turned as the medical team came barreling down the hall with two stretchers. One of the nurses brushed past him, knocking him against the wall. The tip of the dart pricked his palm, and he felt a wave of blackness come over him. He could just hear a voice calling his name before he collapsed, his last thought echoing in his mind.

_Son of a bitch…_

Merry was climbing an endless mountain, scrambling on her hands and knees to get to the top. The mountain was dark gray, a single, monotonous color that went as far as the eye could see. There was nothing but the mountain to her, and a weight around her neck. She paused, chancing a look down.

There was a gold ring on a chain around her neck, painful Elvish script along both the inside and out. She wanted to gasp, but didn't have the breath. As she looked at the ring, she caught a man's reflection. She lifted her eyes hopefully but it wasn't who she was expecting.

It was Red Fur.

He was standing on a flat, smooth surface, with tiny flakes of snow floating on hidden wind currents. He was exactly as she remembered him, down to the tiny scar next to his right eye.

He glanced down at himself, and his voice was the same. "Is this how you see me, Sam? As a barbarian in red fur?"

She leaned heavily, lying almost flat against the mountain. "Yes." She paused, catching her breath slowly. "Where did you learn to speak?"

He smiled, and his clothing rippled between the fur and a white tunic and leather leggings. "I learned from you."

She frowned. "How?"

He moved forward, and the mountain's surface remained smooth and flat under his feet. "We are in your mind, Sam." He smiled again, and the mountain's gray stone was lit from an unknown source. "Perhaps I should call you by your true name." His whisper echoed around the mountain. "_Merry_."

She blanched. "_How did you know my name?_"

He grinned again. "We are in your mind, Merry Steel, and I am in control."

She began to slide down the mountain, fear etched on her face. The dark clouds above the gray slopes began to rain, and enormous bolts of lightning struck the ground close to him. The electricity was palpable; tiny filaments of the lightning ran across the ground between them, but he seemed to be shielded, somehow.

He raised his arms in defiance. "You can't get rid of me that easily, Merry Steel. I am in your _mind_, and you are alone."

Merry spun around, her feet on solid ground.

"She's not alone. I'm here."

Author's Note: Sorry about the wait. We got struck by lightning and lost the internet and our phones; the lightning struck our chimney and blew the top off, and the phone lines came in near there. It was pretty cool, but we won't have phones or internet for a while. I will try to get to a computer as quickly as I can. The next one should be up soon.

PS- The story is completed. There are two more chapters after this. Stay tuned for another note at the bottom of chapter twenty.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

**Into the Minds of Strangers**

"She's not alone. I'm here."

Merry didn't notice as grass grew under her feet, and the sun came out from behind the dark clouds. Her clothing, dark gray pants and a long gray shirt, changed into a flowing gown of pale yellow. Her hair floated about her head, and butterflies, delicate and gold, landed in her hair. Her voice was soft and musical, nearly a whisper.

"John…"

Red Fur turned, a grimace on his face. "How did you come to be here, John Sheppard?"

John smirked. "Where's here?"

Merry grinned cheekily. "He says we're in my mind."

John looked around. "Kind of empty, huh?"

Merry gasped, choking back a giggle. Red Fur's face was impassive.

His fur was slowly melting back into a plain white tunic that went to his knees and heavy dark leather leggings. He wore soft knee-high boots in black suede, and his hair, long and straw-blond, was tied back neatly in a queue.

Merry frowned at him. "What are you wearing?"

Red Fur grimaced. "I am wearing what my people wear when we are at home, with our families and loved ones."

Merry walked around him, grass sprouting at her every step. "It's…nice. Yeah. Nice. What do you think, John?"

John grimaced. "Yeah. Nice."

Merry gave Red Fur a sickly sweet smile. "Well, since you're in my head, answer me this: What is my sister's name?"

Red Fur nodded. "Her name is Phillipa Ryder, but you call her Pip."

Merry nodded stupidly. "Uh huh. How did you know?"

Red Fur grinned at her, completely ignoring John. "We are in your head, Merry Steel. I know everything you know."

John smirked and walked to Merry's side. For a moment, the sun shone brighter. "If you know so much about us, then its only fair that we know something about you. What's _your_ name?"

Red Fur bowed his head slightly. "I am called Aivka, son of Novko, son of Ahma."

John gestured wildly. "Why are we here, Aivka? If that's your real name…"

Aivka grimaced. "It is my true name, the name my father chose for me at my birth. And we are here because I need answers, and Merry Steel is the only one that knows them."

Merry sat down on an elaborate lounge chair, cushioned in red velvet. "What questions?"

John sat on the arm of the chair, his hand trailing down Merry's shoulder. Aivka positioned himself on a different chair, something of low dark wood. The plain they sat on covered the slopes of the mountain.

Aivka spared a glance at John. "I wish to know why Beshia wants you."

Merry frowned. "Who is Besh…" Suddenly, she felt a pain behind her eyes. She felt the mountain ripple, change, and settle into a small dark room with only one lantern.

John gasped involuntarily. The man wearing black fur was lounging in a chair similar to what Aivka had created, but it was carved with dragons and bears. Somehow, the eyes of the creatures twinkled in the low light. Merry watched in confusion. She hadn't remembered this before.

Aivka stood up, his chair disappearing. John could barely make out the word he whispered. "Beshia…"

Merry was staring, fascinated, at the image of herself kneeling before the man in black fur. "What…what is this?"

Aivka's eyes never left Beshia. "This is your memory, something that was buried. This is when Beshia decided that he wanted you. I must know why."

John walked up to the kneeling Merry and put a hand on her shoulder. She felt solid, real, but she didn't seem to notice. He looked up at the real Merry and frowned. "When did this happen?"

Merry shook her head. "I don't…I don't remember this ever happening." She spun to Aivka. "When did this…"

Aivka bowed his head. "I took you to Beshia myself after we took John Sheppard for questioning. Beshia wanted to meet you, but I do not know why."

She turned back to the memory. When she focused, it began to play like a movie in front of her.

_Beshia straightened in his seat. "You are the one called Sam?"_

_Merry nodded. "Yes…yes, my name is Sam."_

_Beshia growled low in his throat. "That is a lie. Your name is not Sam. I asked if you are the one _called_ Sam. _

_Merry blanched. "Yes." She didn't trust her voice not to break on the single word. _

_Beshia stood and walked down to her, lifting her face to meet her eyes. "Where are you from, One-Called-Sam?"_

_Merry began to stutter. "I…we…I'm from…why do you want to know?"_

_Beshia released her face and began to pace, filled with nervous energy. "I wish to know because you are unique, you and this man you call Frodo."_

_Merry shifted on her knees. "How…how are we…how are we unique?"_

_Beshia smiled. One of his teeth was made of silver, and had a tiny diamond embedded in it. "You do not answer me immediately, One-Called-Sam, and when you do, it is not the truth. That is unique. I must know why, and I will get no answers from the Man-Called-Frodo."_

Merry blinked as the memory faded and they appeared back on the mountain. Aivka looked at her, confusion on his face. John was still looking rather surprised.

Aivka spoke first. "You did not tell the truth to Beshia."

Merry frowned. "So?"

The man began to pace, his red furs appearing and disappearing as he did so. "No one may lie to Beshia, or conceal the truth, or fail to answer questions. No one has been able to since he took power. I did not…I did not even think it was possible."

John grimaced. "What do you mean, not possible? I've lied to people before. Everyone I've met does it at one point or another."

Aivka shook his head. "A person of Neshim does not lie to the leader of his people. The Dragon has a potion that is taken only once in his lifetime, when he becomes the Dragon, and from then on, he reads minds and knows truth. He makes those around him speak the truth, just as he cannot lie himself."

John's eyebrows shot up. "Well. That's certainly different."

Aivka looked agitated. "This is more serious… if others can lie to Beshia, then he is not the Dragon of Worlds that we thought him."

Merry frowned. "What do you mean, Dragon of Worlds?"

Aivka sighed. "You are not the first other-worlders that we have captured. All others spoke the truth to Beshia. Or so he said. Perhaps…perhaps he can…but it is not possible…"

Merry took a step towards him. Lightning struck the ground a little higher up, and a cascade of rocks showered down on Aivka. "You didn't answer my question. What is the Dragon of Worlds?"

Aivka glanced around, a hint of fear in his eyes. "We call our leader, our…our master, the Dragon, because he only speaks truth and demands that truth of those around him." He took a deep breath. "There is a story, a prophecy you would say, that tells of one Dragon that demands the truths from those of other worlds. That when he speaks, worlds quake in fear, and thousands raise their voices to the truth of his words. That one will be the Dragon of Worlds. We thought…I thought that Beshia was the Dragon of Worlds, because other-worlders fear before him and only speak the truth. Until you. He must have known that they would come looking for you, because he was the one that sent you away. He told us…he told us it was to protect us from you. He must have known…he knew…"

John reached forward and gripped him by the collar of his shirt. "What did he know? Tell me!"

Merry laid a hand on his arm and whispered a warning. "John…"

John let him go. Aivka, fear etched plainly on his face. "He must have known that I would learn this when he sent me. He…he has my family…"

Merry pushed John aside. "Your family?"

Aivka nodded. The faint images of two people appeared next to him. One was a woman, younger than Merry, with long red hair in a braid and a sweet, if slightly plain, face. She had lovely dark brown eyes. She was taller than Merry, nearly John's height, but very muscular. A little girl with curly red hair stood next to her, with Aivka's eyes.

He reached out a hand, but stopped before he touched the woman's face. "My wife, Nalit, daughter of Pira, and my daughter, Ciriti. Beshia holds them until I return." The images vanished.

Merry looked at him with wide eyes. "He's holding them hostage? Why?"

Aivka looked at her with pain on his face. "So that I will tell no one that he is not the Dragon of Worlds."

Merry and John sat on the grass next to each other, watching Aivka as he paced the ground, occasionally calling up the images of his wife and daughter. John had his arm around Merry, and she was leaning her head against his chest.

Merry turned to John. "Is there anything…is there anything we can do?"

John shrugged. "I don't know. Even if we could get his family out, can we trust him?"

Merry frowned. "I don't know. He seems sincere."

John squeezed her closer. "Yes, he does."

Merry looked up at him. "I'm sorry. Have I been ignoring you?"

John smiled. "No. I just find it fascinating."

She grinned. "What?"

John motioned with his hand. "This. Your mind. It's fascinating."

Merry frowned. "It's not exactly what I pictured."

John's grin widened. "This is _your_ mind, right? So how can you have pictured it differently?"

Merry grinned. "Yeah, that is a bit weird, right?" She closed her eyes. "_This_ is what I pictured."

The mountain faded into a long, flat plain of gray stone. Trees, enormous and ancient, sprouted and grew at an amazing rate. They were suddenly in a small clearing, a blanket spread under them and flowers of every color surrounding them. Aivka was on the opposite side of the clearing, a stunned look on his face. He quickly walked over.

"How did you do that?'

Merry smiled. "How did I change the image?"

Aivka nodded. "Yes. I have never before encountered any mind that could do such a thing with another in control."

John smiled at Merry. "You're hardly in control, Aivka." He pointed to the edges of the wood. "See?"

The trees were closing in. A few were becoming cage-like, with a prison door between two tall trees. Merry moved a finger. Aivka flew backwards, and Merry locked him in the cage. She was suddenly before him, anger etched on her face.

"You were never in control."

John watched Merry talk to Aivka, giving her some privacy. She had been angry; he could almost feel it in the air. The clouds above, always dark and threatening, had loosed a bolt of lightning so brilliant that the air had crackled around them. Aivka had flinched, as had John; Merry hadn't even appeared to notice it.

Merry had left Aivka a few minutes ago, but had spent the time wandering around the clearing. Where she walked, there were gold and silver butterflies, and tiny white flowers were growing, blooming, and dying on the hem of her dress. She looked so beautiful.

John felt his breath catch in his throat. Somehow, she knew. She knew exactly what he was thinking. She was in front of him, so beautiful, and then she was kissing him.

She was kissing him. She was kissing him, and he was kissing her back, and sparks and tiny flowers were flying around them in a tornado of beauty.

They were standing in front of each other, and Aivka was no longer there.

Merry smiled gently. "I sent him away."

John smiled at her. "I see."

Merry was kissing him.

She smiled. "You can read my thoughts, John. Do you…"

He grinned. "I love you, Merry."

Author's Note: Last Chapter Coming Soon! And the premiere of season five is tonight!! Yippee!


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

**Three Moons**

Merry could feel her head pounding, and tried to move her hand to ease the pain. She couldn't move.

"Merry, are you awake?"

She groaned in response.

"Merry?"

"A few more minutes. Please." The words were more of a mumble than anything intelligible.

"No, Merry, it's time to wake up."

"I don't wanna."

She felt a warm hand on her arm. "Come on, Mer, its time."

She opened her eyes. It was John.

She smiled. "I love you too, John."

She heard several gasps and a nervous twitter. She glanced around, confused. There were several people gathered around her bed, and the curtains were open. "What's…where am I?"

John grinned, his ears blushing a little. "You're in the infirmary on Atlantis."

Merry frowned. John leaned closer, and she whispered in his ear. "You mean…we're not in my head anymore?"

He shook his head. "No. The drug he- Aivka- used wore off. He's still unconscious."

He pointed over at another bed on the other side of the infirmary. Aivka was chained to the bars, his face peaceful.

John motioned to Doctor Keller, who was standing by the curtain with a clipboard. She came closer, a weak smile on her face. "How're you feeling, Doctor Steel?"

Merry smiled. "I'm feeling great, Doctor Keller. A little tired." She smiled up at John. "A little disoriented, perhaps."

Keller grinned. "Of course. I need to check your vitals, and you'll need to stay here tonight. But I'm fairly confident that you'll be out of here tomorrow."

Merry smiled faintly. "Well, that's different."

When Merry was released from the infirmary the next day, she went straight to her room. The trip through her mind had left her more exhausted than she had realized, and she wanted to do nothing more than collapse into her own bed, with her own pillows and blankets. Thankfully, Keller had ordered her not to work on anything for at least two days; Leslie had offered, quietly and not sincerely, to tell Doctor Ames- their head of department- that she couldn't work.

Leslie had visited twice- once to bring her laptop, so that she could do _something_, and once to simply talk. That second visit, she had called ahead and made sure that John was asleep.

Leslie had looked at her friend with a combination of worry and glee. "So, Merry dear, what was that little thing you said when you woke up?"

Merry blushed. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Leslie grinned. "Right you don't. That little thing you said, you know…something about _love_ and _John Sheppard_."

Merry's blush deepened. "I may have said something like that."

Leslie laughed. One of the nurses shushed her. "I knew it! Tell me everything!"

Merry grimaced. "Um, no?"

A look of outrage crossed Leslie's face. "Why not?"

Merry grinned. "I'm not drunk."

Leslie frowned. "What does that have to do with it?"

Merry's eyebrows shot up. "You're kind of a gossip, Les."

Leslie opened her mouth to protest; a thoughtful look quickly crossed her face and she nodded. "Yes, well, be that as it may, I'm your best friend!"

Merry sighed. "I know. And you are my best friend. But this…this is something that I…I don't understand it myself, Les. I told you before that I loved him, right? I told you, and I know that you want to know…Les, I don't even know what happened myself. I told him in front of everyone- his team, the doctors…and I don't…I don't know what to do, Les. I just need to think things through, Les, but I promise that you'll be the first to know."

Leslie gave her a little smile. "Okay. I understand. But the second you feel the need to tell someone you come find me, right?"

Merry grinned. "Absolutely. Even before…well, you'll be the first."

Merry lay on her bed, half-dozing on top of the covers. A book, open, lay on her chest.

The chimes on her door rang. She groaned. "Come in."

The doors slid open and John walked in. Merry sat up abruptly, the book sliding to the ground. He stood in the doorway as it slid closed behind him. "Hi."

Merry grinned and blushed. "Hi."

They stared at each other awkwardly for long minutes before he broke the silence. "So, Merry, how're you feeling?"

She smiled at him. "I'm fine. Wonderful, really. You?"

He grinned cheekily. "Peachy."

Another minute passed in silence, and John broke it again. "So, um, I was wondering…"

She took a step towards him. "Yes?"

John moved closer too. "I was wondering, Merry, if you'd like to have dinner with me."

She nodded and moved within arms reach. "Yes. Tonight?"

He took another step. "Absolutely. Can't wait."

She kissed him. He kissed back. And then they moved to her bed.

When they were lying there together on crumpled sheets, each waiting, he asked her a question, and she said yes.

They woke late in the day, with the afternoon sun painting their skin red and orange where it was exposed under her blue blankets. She turned to look up into his handsome face, with those beautiful eyes that she loved so much. He was staring down at her, a look of contentment on his face.

He smirked. "How was that?"

She grinned. "Not very dinner-like."

John laughed and kissed her forehead. "No, but I have plans. Big plans. Lots of them."

Merry giggled. "Do they include us laying here for another few hours?"

John looked thoughtful. "Well, they didn't, but plans change…"

Another couple of hours passed before John finally got up. Merry lay under her sheets, watching him dress with a gleeful look on her face.

"Now that's something I like to see in the evening. It's a pity a body like that has to be covered up."

He glanced over his shoulder as he pulled up his pants. He walked quickly over to the bed and yanked the covers away. "I could say the same." He began to kiss her neck and mouth, and she giggled as he tickled her ribs.

When he pulled away, she sighed in frustration. "Do you have to go?"

He grinned cheekily. "Aren't you getting hungry?"

She smiled toothily. "Not for food. At least, not yet."

John sighed. "Well, as I said before, I have plans."

She stood up slowly, covering her body with the sheet. "Do they include me?" She slid up to him, leaning heavily and kissing his jaw line.

He closed his eyes and sucked in a breath. "Yes…" he hissed.

She continued to kiss him. "Then I'm willing to wait."

He drew a shaky breath. "I…I'll come get you…you know, when…when my plans…when my plans are ready…_don't stop_…"

She took a step back. "If we want to have dinner tonight, you'd better go."

He groaned. "What if I changed my mind?"

She giggled. "I'm starting to get hungry, John. Please?"

He slipped his shirt on. "Alright. But only because you insist."

She turned away, searching for her pants. "I do." She paused, holding up her bra. "What do you want me to wear?"

His eyes darkened. "How bout just that?"

She smiled. "Honestly, John, can you think of nothing else?"

"Not with you in the room."

She slid her top on and spoke more slowly. "What do you want me to wear?"

He groaned and closed his eyes, focusing. "Dress up. Something nice. Pretty." He opened his eyes again. "Something easy to take off."

She watched him walk out of the room, and grinned to herself. Searching around her room, she found her radio.

She tapped it with two fingers. "Leslie? Are you there? I need some help."

John chimed her door at precisely at 20:36 hours, Atlantis standard time. She giggled when she saw the clock, because he had said that he would be there at that minute precisely. She opened the door herself, posing in the doorway.

John's jaw dropped.

Merry was wearing an ankle-length silky black skirt with a slit up the side to mid-thigh on both sides, and knee-high black boots under that. She wore a red corset top, with narrow black leather laces and a narrow band of black lace around the deep v-neck.

John whistled. "Wow. That is certainly…wow."

She grinned. Leslie had left her hair loose and curly, and her make-up was subtle, but the other girls- Claudia Lourdes from physics, Deirdre O'Day from engineering, and Connie White from medical- had giggled and dressed her to the teeth. Leslie had traded their clothing for news of Merry's date- at least, what she would be willing to say.

She looked him up and down. "You're not so bad yourself, you know. The boots are a nice touch."

He wore long black trousers and a long-sleeved light blue collared shirt, but had left his combat boots on. He shrugged. "I didn't really have any black shoes."

She kissed his cheek. "I love it."

He looked speechless for a second. "Um, shall we?" He held out his arm. She blushed and took it.

They walked down the relatively empty hall until they came to a transporter. He blocked their destination and ordered her to keep her eyes closed. When they arrived, he put her hand on his arm and led her forward. They went through several doors- she could tell by the gentle swish of the metal doors- and finally stopped. She could feel a light breeze on her face and she smiled.

"So, not the mess hall?"

He laughed. "No, not really." He let go of her arm. "Now, open your eyes."

She did, and gasped in delight. It was perfect.

John had set up a little table, complete with white tablecloth and candlesticks. There was a cart with covered plates and a bottle of wine in a golf ball bucket filled with ice. It was on a balcony overlooking one of the piers, one she wasn't immediately familiar with. The ocean was spread out wide beneath them, and the moons were rising.

She looked up at him and smiled. "This is perfect."

He grinned at her cheekily. "I know." He led her to a foldout chair and pulled it out for her. "My lady?"

She giggled, sat, and began to play along. "Good sir, what's for dinner?"

It was that rarest of rarities- a true steak dinner with all the fixings, and not an MRE. There were carrots, potatoes, apples, and rice, and several other things that she couldn't identify from where she sat. The light came from several candles placed around the balcony and the panel next to the door. It was just perfect.

They ate the whole meal, and both saved room for desert- two beautiful slices of chocolate cake and a single cup of blue Jello. She had laughed when she saw it.

When they finished, and had downed half of the bottle of wine, they were sitting together comfortably on the pile of blankets he had thoughtfully left in the corner. She was leaning against him, and he had his arms around her. He had his head resting on hers, and she had her eyes closed.

She broke the silence with a whisper. "This is perfect."

He smiled. "What?"

She looked up at him, his eyes gleaming with merriment. "This…you and me together…this is perfect."

He kissed her, and she melted into him, as the three moons rose over the ocean.

It was perfect.


End file.
